Sacrifice
After a very exhausting week at work, my wife and I decided to go to church. As the service started I was trying to get my oldest son to let go of my leg and play with the other two year olds. His cries were deep and horrific, like I was abandoning him and he was begging for me to let him come. So when he finally settled down and started playing I left him there. I swallowed hard and realized he may not trust me anymore. A few minutes later, I had my wife check on him and she found him screaming and kicking the door. So he came upstairs with us in the sanctuary. He was very quiet and made it through the service. I, on the other hand, was having a bad attitude. This is typical as I have not been to church in a while and what I saw bothered me. For no reason! I saw my friends and people who really give their time to comfort me. I saw others praying for each other and laughing and it made me feel sour. Why? Well, because I yearn for relationships, but I can't give the time. I want to minister and be a part, but I am needed with my family. I don't want it any other way except that I want to be able to do it all and not sacrifice anything.
My attitude rapidly changed to admiration as the pastor came up to me and stated that he appreciated me and wanted me to be encouraged to do whatever I need to do to serve my family right now. That means even taking a break from worship team. He affirmed my heart for teaching and stated he would love me to teach percussion , but he knows I am needed elsewhere. It was good to have someone not expect from me. It was a release to be able to make a sound decision and not feel pressured. The decision will be made, but not without a sacrifice. I left my son downstairs knowing he had his own choices to make. He could trust that I would be back for him and he was in a strange, but safe environment or he could think he was left behind and lost in a strange place and never trust me. It is something parents must do for their children. They must push them out a little further until they fly on their own. I think God is giving me the room to make a sound decision based on what is best for my family. I must trust Him that He is there for me and I am not left behind.
My wife told me that she was dreading the day when our sons won't want their mommy anymore. I told her that no matter how old they get, they will always want their mommy. Even if they don't know it.
I know I still do.....
3 comments:
I really liked what you said about wanting to do it all and sacrifice nothing.
I sometimes feel trapped in the continual circle that comes with serving the Lord in a church community. For instance, I recently started teaching Sunday School again after a long break. Before I left, I felt that I was gaining nothing from being in church. My time was spent planning the lesson, making visits to my class, and gathering up the supplies to teach kindergarteners each Sunday morning. Finally, I spoke to the children's minister and basically told him that I needed to be the one being taught in a Sunday school class rather than being the teacher. Thankfully, he was understanding but several in my church weren't. Do not feel guilt over your sour feelings. Everyone has to decide what is best for himself.
By taking the time to be with your family, you might be giving your soul the break it needs to be refreshed so when the time is right you are ready to devote yourself to the Lord and your church!
You've been SPAMMED, my love! That's unfortunate!
What an awesome entry. I have to say from this side of the coin, it is refreshing to see a man place his family first. It doesn't happen often enough, my friend. I know I have mentioned some of what my mom has gone through, and part of her issues are due to feelings of abandonment because my grandparents put ministry and the church before my mom and her siblings. God calls us to our family first, for if they fall away, what good is the minstry we are doing at church?
It's a huge responsibility to be the spiritual head of a household. I admire you and the choices you make. I know that God will continue to lead you because you have a willing heart. The sacrifices make us stronger, brother!
Dirky, it's your wife. I am proud of you for choosing our family first. I know it's hard for you to sacrifice relationships and some ministry time. Just remember, their only little for a little while. We can never get back missed moments with our babies. There are so many firsts right now. New words and new physical achievements, everyday. I know I don't want to miss even a second. Someday, they'll be grown and won't need us as much. Then you'll have plenty of time to devote to the needs of others through ministry and build relationships with friends.
Thank you for making it so I can stay home with our babies. You have made all my dreams come true.
Love,
Me
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