Alter Ego
We judge other people by their actions. We judge ourselves by our intentions. A true statement that hit me deeply, yesterday.
Case in point: I saw a friend from high school at the park. He was playing with his kids and I was with mine. He aksed my youngest his age and he told my friend he was two. I corrected my son and said he was three. My friend said, "See you count like your dad." I wasn't sure what to think of that statement. Then, he told his kids who I am and he said, "He masters the drums." At first I was flattered. I, of course, had to take the humble approach and dismiss any statement that would put me on any pedistal of any kind (I can't let others think that I know I'm good at something!), so I said, "Well, I like to try." But as I thought about the statement later, I became more frustrated that someone thinks of me as "a good drummer". I thought, "Is that all he thinks of me?" Someone who can play drums, but doesn't have much more substance. A dumb drummer! (Yep, my baggage is in full check here folks!)
I guess I want people to know me for other reasons than just something I do. I have devoted a lot of time developing my musical abilities over twenty years. It has paid off and I am now being respected for my skills. I just don't want that to be my only strength. When I walk into the church, I don't want people to look at me and say, "There goes the drummer." I would like them to associate my with other qualities too.
My intentions have always stood in my way of understanding how others see me. My perception is my reality and I hardly have a grip on it. I always have the best of intentions when it comes to my friends, but they don't always hear what those intentions are and they end up seeing me as something I, well, never intended. They see me as angry or as some pitiful bellhop pushing a full cart of luggage asking for tips. Not the imagery I would have them see, but their perception is their reality. They take what i give them, whatever that looks like.
The truth is, I do want to be known as a great drummer. I also want to be known as a great father, husband, brother, son, and man of God. I want all of those things because that is what I intend. I want to impact others for the kingdom. I have something to contribute. I am not just one of those alter egos, but I am all of them in one.
