The Sojourn Soul

Alter Ego

2008-10-16T11:56:00.002-04:00

We judge other people by their actions. We judge ourselves by our intentions. A true statement that hit me deeply, yesterday.

Case in point: I saw a friend from high school at the park. He was playing with his kids and I was with mine. He aksed my youngest his age and he told my friend he was two. I corrected my son and said he was three. My friend said, "See you count like your dad." I wasn't sure what to think of that statement. Then, he told his kids who I am and he said, "He masters the drums." At first I was flattered. I, of course, had to take the humble approach and dismiss any statement that would put me on any pedistal of any kind (I can't let others think that I know I'm good at something!), so I said, "Well, I like to try." But as I thought about the statement later, I became more frustrated that someone thinks of me as "a good drummer". I thought, "Is that all he thinks of me?" Someone who can play drums, but doesn't have much more substance. A dumb drummer! (Yep, my baggage is in full check here folks!)

I guess I want people to know me for other reasons than just something I do. I have devoted a lot of time developing my musical abilities over twenty years. It has paid off and I am now being respected for my skills. I just don't want that to be my only strength. When I walk into the church, I don't want people to look at me and say, "There goes the drummer." I would like them to associate my with other qualities too.

My intentions have always stood in my way of understanding how others see me. My perception is my reality and I hardly have a grip on it. I always have the best of intentions when it comes to my friends, but they don't always hear what those intentions are and they end up seeing me as something I, well, never intended. They see me as angry or as some pitiful bellhop pushing a full cart of luggage asking for tips. Not the imagery I would have them see, but their perception is their reality. They take what i give them, whatever that looks like.

The truth is, I do want to be known as a great drummer. I also want to be known as a great father, husband, brother, son, and man of God. I want all of those things because that is what I intend. I want to impact others for the kingdom. I have something to contribute. I am not just one of those alter egos, but I am all of them in one.

Brought to you by the letter "f"...

2008-08-27T02:20:00.002-04:00

Caden's first day of school is next week. He'll be in Kindergarten. I'm excited for him, yet I'm mourning at the same time.

I'll never forget when I went to Kindergarten on the first day of school. My mom didn't send me to Pre-school, so I had no idea she was going to leave me with complete strangers. I balled my eyes out as soon as she started down the hall. I cried for about five minutes and then two kids came over to me and started to play with me. They comforted me and made me feel like I belonged. They remained my friends until 3rd Grade. Then they both moved. One moved to London, Ohio and the other's dad passed away, so he moved to Richwood, Ohio. I miss elementary school. It was fun! I hope Caden will enjoy it like I did. Lord, bless Caden as he goes to school.

Hankering for a Hunk ahh.....

2008-08-21T08:39:00.004-04:00

Creativity!!!

I am longing to create something even though I don't know what it will become.

I love to have this yearning in my heart. It reminds me of how God is The Creator and I must have some of his traits in me to also chase after it. I drive myself crazy because I don't always know where to go, but I still strive to make or do something out of nothing. It's the beauty of creation.

Thank You Lord!

Confession

2008-07-24T11:10:00.011-04:00

I recently confessed something to my wife that I had been holding onto for a year. What it is doesn't matter except that I held onto it for far too long.

Through the past year, I was wrestling with myself and with God telling me to confess. I knew in my heart if I confessed that He would take care of everything else. He would redeem me and I would be restored. But it's not easy to go forward when all you're doing is walking backward. It's like I could see Him, but I just kept moving away. He kept beckoning during every service on Sunday. And I mean every service. He didn't let up. I knew it would have to come down to confession.

Psalm 32:5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD "— and you forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah

Finally, as I confessed, I felt relieved and horrible all at the same time. I was ready to cry because it was such a burden off my shoulders, yet it felt so good to remove it.

My wife has been gracious. Even though she has a hard time understanding she still shows she loves me and is willing to fight for me. I thank God for her. She has to put up with a lot from me.

Proverbs 28:13 He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

Now, things have become so much more open. I feel like God is inviting me to come closer. I've had the opportunity to worship him more freely. My worship team has experienced growth and unity even in the midst of adversity.

Isaiah 59:1 Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ear to dull to hear.

.......It feels good not to carry a secret.......

We All Fall Down

2008-06-25T08:49:00.002-04:00

Two nights ago, Casey and I were riding bikes with our boys around the school and in our back alleys when Caden, my oldest, said he wanted to take his training wheels off.

I asked him if he was sure. He said, "Yes. I'm ready!" So we went back home and took them off.

He started out really unstable and shifting his weight from side to side while I held onto the back of his seat. After a few times around the drive he started to speed up, which made it very hard to keep up with him. Finally, he started heading toward the soccer field behind our house. I told him to stop because he was running out of road, but he just kept going. Down into the ditch and right out into the field. He joyfully screamed, "Im doing it!!!" He peddled about the width of our back yard, looked back at Casey and me, and then tumbled to the ground.

It was a glorious moment as he conquered the road only to crash and burn at the very end. He started crying because the bolts that held his training wheels scraped his shins. I remember those kind of scrapes. They sting!! But they don't seem to hurt as bad as our pride. He didn't like to wreck, but he kept getting back on and fighting.

Later, he asked if he could have his training wheels back on the bike. I told him no. He started whining and begging, but I told him that we don't go backward, but we keep getting on the bike even when it hurts. That wasn't what he wanted to hear at that moment, but the next day, he was so excited to go ride his bike and tell his grandma and grandpa what he had accomplished.

Healer

2008-03-14T00:21:00.010-04:00

The last few days have been pretty rough for me at work and at home. I addressed a resident in front of the residential community for not holding his brother accountable because he "turned his head". The resident quickly responded with, "You're wrong!" This made me tense and I reacted with "You are not to address me on this!!" He said it again in which I sent him to the bench. I let his insubordination get to me and I freaked. My anger burned, as it can very easily, which made me even more angry with myself.

I lost sleep that night because I was so upset at the whole situation. My heart kept telling me I overreacted and I need to make peace with the resident. My head kept telling me I was not in the wrong for holding him accountable and for sending him to the bench. Therefore I have this duality that is holding me back from peace.

I talked with my boss and she was concerned that I was still holding onto it overnight. She was asking what triggered this anger. I had no idea until the longer we talked the more I realized I want to be in control and when I am challenged on that control my defenses raise. I want to be heard and respected by everyone.

In the past I haven't got that from too many people. I have had a lot of friends hurt me because they didn't respect me for who I am. I wasn't smart enough, cool enough, rich enough, etc... It had taken a real toll on how I view people. Even those I love.

It has held me captive, which has stopped me from making amends with friends, and has stopped me from letting go of the wrongs and forgiving them.

It has even stopped me from going up front to pray with those who are in need. I know I should be going forward, but I don't because I am hanging on to judgement of man. I am letting myself be held captive by fear of what others think or thought of me. I was watching Lady in the Water tonight. It is so inspiring to see how the events unfold as real people discover their gifts. They stumble or they are afraid. Paul Giamatti's character is told he is the Healer, so, afraid, he tells them he can't do it. He is facing his past as he stutters to say no. The man with whom he respects says, "Shut up and try!", and Paul goes forward with the ceremony.
I know God is telling me to make peace. He's telling me to try. I am fighting with my duality and I am tossed amongst the waves. I don't know if I want to let go. It's the right thing to do. But that doesn't mean I want to do it.

The Saga Continues...

2008-01-06T20:08:00.000-05:00

Due to the current weather conditions my boys have not had the chance to go outside and get rid of their daily anxst. Instead, they literally have been climbing the walls. So I saw this as an opportunity to show them some of my most beloved movies.

They already saw the Transformers live action movie a few weeks ago and fell in love with Optimus Prime and showing them the animated Transformers the Movie was a natural progression. As I saw the boys' eyes light up as we talked about Transformers I thought it was a perfect time to show them Star Wars.

I started them out on A New Hope because I was exactly Caden's age (4years old) when I went to the theatre to see it with my family. It was the Loew's Theatre on Henderson Road now replaced by a strip mall.

Caden resisted at first because he really wanted to see Transformers again, but as the movie progressed, he was ready to watch more. He and Ethan asked to watch another Star Wars movie, so we watched The Empire Strikes Back (my all time favorite). We finished Return of the Jedi on Sunday and I think it's safe to say the boys are hooked. Casey isn't sure what to think of it, but I was so giddy with excitement my eyes started to water. I have been waiting for these moments and they were very cool. I knew they would love them and I think I waited long enough to show them.

Little do they know I have a whole box full of 3.5" dolls just waiting to be opened to continue the saga...

Freezing Anticipation: Part 13 of the Drummer's Almanac

2008-01-01T12:51:00.000-05:00

The brothers Goble and I got together recently to jam out some tunes we have always wanted to play or thought would be fun. Well, not many of them were fun. In fact a couple of them were boring because we don;t have vocals or the parts aren't fun to play.

We started with Kingdom Come's "Should I". Cool guitar riff and Zeppelin-like vocals, but it didn't make for a real rockin' time. AC/DC's "Highway to Hell" was a little more raucous, yet it was still missing the screaming vocals to finish it out. We threw in a blues song for kicks so Rich could solo. We nailed that one and moved on to The Guess Who's "No Sugar Tonight". A nice grooving song that feels good but, we were missing the organ which carries a lot of the song.

Finally, we got to the magnum opus, Rush's "Freewill". At first listen, it's a terribly difficult song having a 13/8 time signature and all. Rich played one note in the wrong place and it threw Donovan and I completely off. We reviewed the song again and Rich got it. We started again, but only made it through the first verse. Rush is known for it's muscal complexities and now we know why. I already know each and every fill in the entire song, but that doesn't matter if I can't play them. My hands froze up on me and I rushed the song several times in anticipation of the next fill. It was almost painful, yet we trudged along. It had now become a challenge to get through this song. We ended up making it to the bridge part about halfway through the song. That's where things get real complicated, so we decided to work on it individually until we get back together.

It's funny how you think you will handle something and then you react in a totally unexpected way. It told me to go back to woodshed and blister my hands until I get it right. It also told me it is good to stretch out and learn new things that challenge me and push me to my limits.

Land of a Thousand Santas

2007-12-08T21:28:00.000-05:00

I don't think I have seen as many Santas in one season as I have this year. My boys have literally seen Santa Claus six to seven times. We even saw two just today.

We saw one on the train ride today. He was pretty cool. He didn't look great, but his attitude was awesome. He had a lot of kids to hold walking up and down the aisles. We went to an outlet called Rocky's Outfitters, when we stepped off the train, which was a typical hunter's paradise. As soon as we entered the second room, lo and behold!!!! Santa Claus. Yes, they took another picture with him and even got their grandma to buy it. They didn't really pick up on the fact that his beard and mustache were styled slightly different.

Caden did notice the other day when we went to see Marysville's Santa, downtown. He asked why Santa looked different than he saw before. We had to play that one off cleverly. He looked more authentic and was the most jolly and warm. It was almost like a picture when we saw a little girl go before us and run up to him and give him a big hug. My boys weren't shy, either, and told him exactly what they wanted this year without stutter or stammer. I would like to go see him again just because he looked and acted like the "real" Santa.

And one more thing... If you are one of those people who think Santa saying "HO, HO, HO" is offensive to women and he should go on a diet... Piss off and quit ruining it for the rest of us! We like Santa how he was, is, and always will be. Fat and jolly!!!

And the walls came tumbling down

2007-11-29T21:45:00.000-05:00

"And the walls came tumbling down...

And the walls came tumbling down..."

by Charlie Hall

I have a picture of Samson in my head where he was chained to the pillars in the phillistine temple. He was blind, yet bent on killing every Phillistine that ever lived. He used his might one last time and brought the whole building down on top of every Phillistine there and ... himself.

That is how I was feeling the last few weeks and it all came to a head this week as I concluded my OWDS training. I got a perfect score on both practicums and didn't do too bad on my post test either(94/100). My team project was presented to our trainers and we did very well as we received a lot of positive and realistic feedback to help implement in our own agencies. I am very excited!!!

Now, all of the weight is lifted and I am free!!! I can now focus on getting myself organized again and back in the swing of my normal routine. I really love my normal routine. My family does too.

Under Pressure

2007-10-28T20:09:00.000-04:00

Today, I am feeling weighed down. I am feeling the pressure of the coming week as many things are starting to converge.

I have paint just sitting around the house, staring me down, asking me, "when are you going to finish the house?" Worship team practice and Trick or Treat night are going to hinder the timeliness of the project. I also have the second week of training start on Monday. I am not looking forward to this because it is way more work than necessary. I also don't know if I'm going to be compensated for all of my hard work. Even if I do complete the training, I may not get certified. That isn't giving me the incentive I was hoping for, either. After the kids go to bed, I have two modules to read for my test, first thing in the morning. I also have laundry and dishes piling up. Even though that isn't very serious, it adds to my stress. Casey is helping me get the laundry done.

We have been in a marathon at work. That is a process in which we shut down programming and make the residents work out issues or behaviors in the house. Think of it like a Fillibuster in Congress. Add that to the fact that I was acting Coordinator for two weeks and I think I'm ready for a vacation. I'm not burned out, I'm just tired.

Not to end on a sour note, I changed my tax exemptions on my w-4. I got back money on my check that really saved our butt. I treated the family to a night at the dollar($2.00 actually) movies(we saw Ratatouille), $1.75 meal at Wendy's/Tim Horton's (chicken nuggets and a doughnut), and a trip to Petland to see all the animals. It was a great night of family fun. That's extravagance!!!

Yo, Joe!!!

2007-10-25T21:49:00.000-04:00

They're making one of my favorite 80's cartoons and action figures into a movie. Snake Eyes, Flint, Gung-Ho, Duke, and Scarlett will be hitting the big screen as well as Cobra Commander, Destro, Storm Shadow, and The Baronness.

I used to have almost all of the 3.5" action figures when I was a kid. I loved it and I think it had as much of an influence on me as Star Wars. I also had a few comics and watched the cartoon religiously after school everyday.

Snake Eyes is as cool as Wolverine and even more mysterious. The other characters were a little on the cheesy side, but every now then they would create one that was really original and fun.

In light of current events in the world, this movie will probably cause quite the stir as Cobra, a terror organization, tries to take over the world.

The movie has been changed from the original concept, which is a group of americans, to a new global p.c. version. G.I. Joe will be made up of international agents to be able to market overseas.

Interesting tidbit: a carrier pigeon by the name of G.I. Joe brought a crucial message to Italy and saved thousands of lives during World War II. This is where it started.

and now, you know...

And knowing is half the battle! Yo, joe!!!

Age to Age: Part 34 of the Drummer's Almanac

2007-10-22T00:01:00.000-04:00

My wife and I were watching an interview with Neil Peart that took place in Canada in 1996. He was thinner, much less grey, and a lot more full of life.

The first thing Casey said was, "He looks happier." This interview was a year before Neil lost his wife and only daughter. He was definitely younger looking.

Now, after those tragic events in 1997 (the same year I lost my mom), he looks older. It shows in his posture. You can't hear a difference. In fact, He's sounds more masterful than ever. You can just see the difference in his eyes.

I think back to when I first started playing drums. How I used to approach music and my playing. It was more raw. Less methodical, but more gut level. It had an energy. I think that's why you see old dudes trying to relive the past by playing classic rock. They want to feel that hunger they felt at sixteen.

I still feel it. When I hear a certain song or groove. It fires me up and I make a face. My nose wrinkles up and my lips stick out. It's like when people throw up the rock sign and bang their head. Absurd, but rockin'.

The good thing that comes with age is technique. It's all about the technique. After seventeen years of playin', I better have something to show for it. I can sometimes even make it look easier than what it is, given the right situation. Which is just enough to keep my self esteem at a low level resonant buzz.

That is until I listen to that old guy(51) with bags under his eyes, greying hair, and that sagging posture make my playing sound like a train wreck.

Hope

2007-10-10T08:53:00.000-04:00

Some things that gave me hope.....

I just read chapter five in Rob Bell's book Velvet Elvis. It is inspiring and motivational. I had a gush of hope swell up inside of me when he talked about the "old man" having to die. I must believe that the new me is there and I can already be that person. I don't need to wait on some miracle because Jesus already took care of it for me.

He believes in me more than I believe in myself. He sees my potential.

Let me remind you that I have heard this in my head. I'm not yet sure if I have ears to hear this in my heart.

I do know God spoke this to me as I was reading this chapter. It was uplifting and I want more.

We found where we can gain more money in our pocket through changing how much we claim on our taxes. This was confirmed by family, friends, and from our Financial Peace University group.

We have significantly less to pay on our van than we thought. We will pay this debt off at the beginning of next year. (freedom, ALTHOUGH SMALL)

Our friends have helped us out by giving us much needed food and clothing.

Our friends are going to give us more by helping us paint our house. This is not a need, but just a want.

Jesus takes care of me even when I do nothing.....

Back to the Real World

2007-09-30T00:16:00.000-04:00

Whew! My head is still spinning from my past week at training. I didn't know what I was getting myself into. So, when I found out we were having a test each morning and homework each night, I was slightly perturbed.

I found it very difficult to be a family man and be a part of this training. I usually had to wait until 9:00pm each night to start my homework.

Just to give you some background on this training; It's a two and a half week intensive to become an Offender Workforce Development Specialist. Basically, it's a training to make me a better advocate for offenders in the workforce.

The practicum is pretty intense. I have a log I have to keep, so they know I'm doing the work, assessments to administer to my residents, a ten minute presentation on a topic from the training, and a thirty minute interview session with an offender using the skills from training. I have two weeks to complete the practicum. I'm only slightly nervous.

My hope is that I can use this training to help me progress not only where I am, but beyond. I love what I do. I couldn't ask for a better position, but we all know the pay is less than I deserve.

When I finish this certification process I will have a credential to my name, college credit hours, a network of individuals in the field across Ohio and better facilitation skills necessary for teaching/training and giving presentations. Pray I keep my sanity.

Goings On

2007-09-22T13:01:00.000-04:00

This week I am off to training in Delaware to become a certified Offender Workforce Development Specialist. It consists of three training weeks and lots of homework. By the time I'm finished I will have a certification and college credit. I'm really excited because this will propel me into the future. I will have a weighty credential that will help me look up and out.

Today we are taking Caden and Ethan to Marmon Valley for hayrides, and petting zoos. Should be lot of fun for the kids. Caden's preschool is sponsoring the event.

Tonight, I play with One80 at the Vineyard Cafe on Cooper Road in Columbus.

Thank you doesn't seem like enough to our friends who have blessed us this week and last with money and food. You know who you are. We bless you and thank you and love you.

Who Is He?

2007-09-07T23:18:00.000-04:00

Man was I suckered today! I was in the Women's wing observing an encounter where we address someone on their positive, or in this case, negative behavior. One of the counselors in the women's wing tricked me into thinking the next activity was going to be a "Who Is She?". A tool we use to give someone positive affirmations. So, of course I'm just waiting for it to start and she announces to the community that Mr. Clay needs to go have a seat in front of everyone for a "Who Is He."

My back is facing the community, so I don't get to see who is addressing me.

All of the women(14) gave me positive affirmations. Some of it was funny and others were very heartfelt.

I cried.

I didn't cry because I wanted to hear those things to be able to do my job or because I feel I deserve them. I cried because I know God has sent me there to work with people. He knows that I love to see changes in people and to hear them get ahold of something they never had before. He certainly didn't send me there to make money. I love people!

Everyday, I see brokenness, destruction, bitterness, yearning, striving, healing, mourning, love, jealousy, hate, tragedy, enjoyment, etc...

God brings me close to those things and lets me see them face to face. And as He does I see my world and my life and my faith start to change. I see more of myself in them and I can relate.

I couldn't have asked for this job to be created. He just knew my heart and gave it something really good.

Calling It

2007-09-02T14:25:00.000-04:00

Have you seen the new commercial for "Carpoolers". The one where all four guys are sitting in the car looking ahead and doing their own quirky little habits on their way to work , meanwhile listening to Phil Collins' "In the Air Tonight". Right when the drums kick in they all start air drumming. I called it before they started air drumming. But that was predictable. What I'm going to talk about isn't predictable.

I'm not clairvoyant(there's a word I haven't heard in a while) nor do I believe I'm psychic. I believe the Holy Spirit has been giving me little hints of things to come.

For example, the women residents wanted to give me a "Who is He" where they tell me all of the positive things they like about me. I thought about it earlier and heard a voice in my head say, you are going to get a "Who is He" today. I scoffed at it and passed it off as wishful thinking. But later, there it was written up on the white board for all staff to see. A Mr. Clay-Who is He.

I have been sneezing my head off for the past two weeks due to a head cold and allergies. I went to my father-in law's house and as we were talking that same voice said, "don't worry, he is going to give you some medicine." A few minutes later, he gave me allergy medication.

As most of you know, I'm a big fan of Rush. They are in concert tonight and I have been pretty quiet about not being able to go. Lawn seats are $31.00 and we haven't had enough money to buy food and gas. So, I was hoping for a miracle. I had pretty much told myself I was wasn't going to the show even though I was heartbroken. My friend I play music with called me and left a message asking if I was going to the show. Before I called him back I heard that voice again say he may give you a ticket. Once again, I scoffed. When I called him, I told him I couldn't because of my money situation. He said he wanted to give me a ticket. His wife didn't really want to go and he would be very happy if I took the ticket. I was really blessed.

These situations let me know God is still there. I am not great at hearing His voice. That is something I have struggled with deeply. I just have been hearing it and it has come to pass. We have been blessed richly through Him in the last few days. God has really come through even when we don't ask.

Looney Tunes Spotlight Collection: King

2007-09-02T09:08:00.001-04:00

absolutely one of my all time favorites. Cartoon violence is great!!!

Family Guy Star Wars Special Preview

2007-08-30T22:28:00.001-04:00

This has to be one of the best!!!

War Drums: Part 33 of the Drummer's Almanac

2007-08-26T21:29:00.000-04:00

I decided to bring back the drummer's almanac as a departure from my normal blog entries. I need to vent about my technique every now and then. And I like to think about all the different facets of drumming.

This morning was interesting to say the least. The first service is always a little dry and it seems that all of the charis-whackos are in the second service, which makes for more energy, dancing and whooping.

We started off rough with the first song and I couldn't seem to get into the groove. By the third song, I was playing a nice ride part with my eyes closed. The stick was bouncing nicely and I was really getting into it, when the stick rebounded out of my hand, fell onto a congalita, smacking the head two times, and clinking all the way to the floor by my foot. I had to stop playing totally as I picked up the stick, laughing and trying to look unembarassed.

The second service was a different story, entirely. You can't mistake when the whole team comes together and the presence of the Lord is working on you. I was in the pocket and certain people were woohooing which fed into my energy. I really wanted to break into a war beat of proclamation. It seemed very appropriate, but as we went along, Chris followed the Holy Spirit and led very well.

I was able to partake in a worship setting once, where two drummers were playing together on the worship team. They had djembes for anyone to play, so I picked one up and followed the team. A woman named Jen eventually called me over and several people playing drums just led and beat in spiritual warfare. It was exciting, even though I didn't fully understand it. I still don't. I don't know if there is scripture on this, but I believe music is powerful. I know God wants us to play music and he has called us to play it for and to Him.

I'm going to be on the lookout for a story or verse on beating drums in spiritual warfare.

Not Big Enough!

2007-08-20T13:20:00.000-04:00

On Monday I went to a memorial service for a friend of the family named Mike. I had been told about it on Friday, but forgot until my dad called me and told me how he died. He killed himself with a shotgun. Dad told me he didn't want my brother and I walking into that without knowing.

As I sat through the service, the preacher kept talking about salvation and how we are not to say Mike was without God. Mike had committied himself to the Lord when he was younger. He and his family went to a church where, later, I was baptized. It's weird how things come full circle.

Mike and his family used to live across the street from us in a trailer court. We knew each other since we could remember and played together. One day, Mike, his brother Ty, my brother Dana, and I were playing hide and go seek. I saw a canoe laying bottom up behind a shed and decided that would be a great hiding spot. Mike saw me and tried to help me get under the boat. He dropped the boat as I slid under and it hit me in the back of the head. I immediately went home feeling the back of my head and seeing blood on my hands. I got 6 stitches and still have a dent in my head.

When I was in high school, Mike got me drunk and we played drinking games. Good memories.

We drifted apart when they moved to North Lewisburgh. I would see them every now and then in Marysville, but it was years apart.

When the memorial service was over we met with the family at a banquet hall. We ate and Mike's mother made fun of me because I work in a correctional facility. She told my brother and me to go see Steve, Mike's dad. He couldn't come eat because he has diabetes. So we went to their house and saw Steve.

Steve hadn't changed. He was just the way I remember him which was comforting under the circumstances. Steve was telling stories as usual until his neices left. Then he told Dana and I the whole graphic story of how Mike killed himself. He told it with such serenity and peacefulness that it was horrific. As he told the story, I kept wringing my hands. I almost felt like I was going to pass out or throw up. I couldn't drown out Stave's voice with my own thoughts. All I could do was visualize it in every detail.

Afterward, Dana and I talked and we both said we wanted to stop Steve, but felt like we couldn't. I was distraught and wanted to cry. Casey, said I was white as a ghost when I got home. The images are still swirling around my head a week later.

This is a situation that had a profound affect on my faith. I don't know what is happening to Mike's soul. It's not for me to decide. He was alive after he shot the gun. How do I know he didn't call upon God afterward. He could hear his father and squezzed his hand three times. Maybe he was talking with God before he passed away.

As Christians we assume that we have it all figured out because we know what the bible says. I'm not so sure anymore. I still have my foundation of faith, but I am now rethinking certain aspects of what I thought to be truth. I don't think God wants us to condemn. We've done enough of that!

Besides Mike came to salvation a long time ago. Is there enough grace to cover this or is he condemned? I am not so quick to respond. I think I want to let God handle that one.

I am not big enough for it!

Interpretation

2007-08-10T00:07:00.000-04:00

Below is a picture of my son's foot x-rays. He broke his foot jumping off of our bed.

I know the pic is blurry and you can't even see where the fracture is located. It's there. Right at his fourth appendage in his foot.

Looking at this pic reminds me of the book I'm reading. Rob Bell's "Velvet Elvis". The velvet paintings of Elvis are just interpretations of the "king" which leads to how we interpret who God is and how we should live out our faith in Him.

I had an interesting week and I had actually been thinking about this topic before I had a chance to crack the book. I witnessed something at work that made me sad, and it made me angry, and it made me feel disgusted at the Christian body. As my fellow staff members were discussing resident behaviors in the house, the nurse decided to bring up a resident that had been walking on crutches. She said, "one day he was walking on crutches and the next he was walking on his own, shooting basketball." Another staff member saw this as an opportunity to say, "He's healed. thank you, Jesus!" Of course, everyone laughed, but me.

I wasn't sad, angry, or disgusted with them as much as I was with the Christian body. I realized that they had such an interpretation of God that says He can't heal and that you will only see that on Benny Hinn. They think it's a ploy and made of fairy tales.

Rob Bell talks about how people base their faith on things they have been influenced by or taught.

I know that my faith has changed over the years. I started out thinking differently, trying to figure God out within a certain context. A frame imposed by my church at the time. Trying to believe in the God of the Bible based on doctrine that walled him off and hindered my growth. It was a good thing I was inquisitive and knew that I didn't believe everything they said to be truth. I had to seek on my own and in doing so, it lead me to more seeking until I found out God was in things I didn't think about before. He approaches things differently than I want him to or think He should just because it makes me comfortable. His ways are not my ways and I found out the more I ask, the more there is to learn.

Kind of like zooming in on my son's x-ray. The more I zoom in, the more fascinating and mysterious it becomes. It's not in focus, it's pixelated, and I have to interpret what I'm seeing.

As I learn to interpret where I am with Him I redefine my faith. Every time.

The velvet Elvis paintings you see on the sides of the highways are just interpretations of who Elvis is to that artist. Usually it's their favorite Elvis based on several incarnations Elvis took on throughout his life. Everyone has their favorite Elvis.

I hope that I don't define God as my favorite version, but as who I think He is based on my experiences with Him along with how I interpret the scriptures at that time. It's made me realize that I don't have the same definition for God as I used to.

It almost makes me think I have no clue, but just when I think he has left me alone.....

...there he is calling me, pushing me, loving me.

The Way Out Is The Way In

2007-08-05T14:12:00.000-04:00

I just love Rush and their penchant for sarcastically piercing lyrics like the ones from "Secret Touch".

"The way out is the way in"

They hit today as I struggled getting up, again to the alarm clock, which has become a bane, yet a calling at this moment, to go to worship practice. As I traveled to town I realized how dreadful this morning would be because I would have to tell Greg I couldn't practice for Power Surge Teen Expo. I needed to be home with my wife and kids. So, I drudged along and tried to forget about it.

As the team started practicing and really just trying to worship, I realized I just needed to let everything go and focus solely on Him. What a blessing. It was like a vacation. That is, until the end of service when Greg approached me and asked if I could practice. Apologetically, I told him I couldn't and that I wouldn't be able to this whole week due to other commitments. Reluctantly, he asked if I wanted out. I saw my chance and I took it. I told him it had become too taxing for my family and me. So, I introduced him to Zack, as a replacement, and let it go. Praise God for correcting my mistake. I should have never agreed to it in the first place. Life goes on...

"You can never break the chain
There is never love without pain
A gentle hand, a secret touch on the heart"

So, now my family can know that daddy is home and wants to spend time with them. In case you didn't know, play time is a serious business!!! Dads ought not forget the importance of becoming a tree for the monkeys to hang on.

"A healing hand, a secret touch on the heart"

My load has been made lighter and I think I learned that God has been in control of when I can play music, so I don't lose sight of where He wants me and where I am needed. Hard lesson for a rocker at heart.

"There is never love without pain
Life is the power that remains"

Whew! It's Friday!

2007-08-03T12:36:00.000-04:00

Well, I made it. I am off work early and I can relax for a short period of time while my wife and kids sleep. Then it's time to run some errands and do some yard work.

I usually enjoy yard work because I feel like I am exercising, and getting something accomplished. And it makes my home look good.

I am feeling like some of the stress is off of me for now as I wind down for the weekend. I say wind down, but we are actually going to have a busy weekend.

First, we are doing yardwork and housework, so we can enjoy the rest of the weekend. Second, we are going to the Dublin Irish Festival for some good music and various activities. It's very interesting and better than the fair. We make it a tradition to go with Jeremy and Christy. This year Gaelic Storm and Flogging Molly are playing, so it should make for a good time.

I don't know if there's a third, but I think we may end up seeing my brother. I just hope I get to see my boys. We haven't played together for a while and they need some daddy time. I know Casey needs the break.

So, now I'm going to go and play some free online games and try to detox before I have to work outside. For those of you who like free games, check out Dangerous Dave and Brutal Bob. It's a pretty funny game though shocking at first. Well.......I'm off. Saaaawwwiiiiiiiiing battah!

A God Idea?

2007-08-01T17:12:00.000-04:00

I met my pastor, Steve, for lunch today at Fiesta Grande to just talk and spend time together. We have done this before and I always enjoy his company. He has become someone I really look up to, not because he's my pastor, but because he always has good solid, godly wisdom to share and encourages me to look in the right direction.

As we sat down, we talked about how this month is filling up fast with events and committments. And for some reason I just can't say, "no!" to people.

I am thankful that, as a drummer, I am being sought out for various gigs. I know God has blessed that gift immensely. But at what expense am I getting to use it. I am over doing it by saying, "sure, I'll be there." or "I'll do that." I am sacrificing a lot of home time with my family to be able to play music.

Steve said, "There are good ideas and God ideas. Not every good idea is a God idea."

I could only nod in agreement because I know it's the truth.

As some people know, Casey and I are struggling with money issues, lately. We have been relying on God and trusting that he will provide. He has in unforseen ways. But we are still hit in the mouth and need assistance. I asked Steve if we should ask for help or just let God provide. He said we should definitely ask God to make it clear on what to do.

See, the problem is not a pride issue with asking for help. It's about trying to let God have the opportunity to show His power or stepping on that and doing it ourselves or following His lead and asking for help from someone who can provide because He said.

This afternoon, God made it clear by showing us our bills are due tomorrow and we need money. So we asked for it. Even though I have pride issues about asking, I overcame and asked for what I needed.

God's ideas are definitiely good!

As Iron Sharpens Iron.......

2007-07-21T13:40:00.000-04:00

I went to Der Dutchman with Steve, Doug, and Scott this morning. We had a really good time. It was fun and relaxing. Scott picked up my check (thanks dude) and made me feel bad, but that's okay. I have to get over my pride somehow!

We had good conversation that came very comfortably as we stuffed our faces. And Scott found out what fried mush tastes like and why we tell everybody to get a Long-John.

Afterward, we followed Steve to his father-in-law's house out in the boonies. He had to climb a windmill tower because his father-in-law is afraid of heights. The house was an awesome log cabin style close to The Big Darby Creek (pronounced "crick"). I skipped rocks and tried to help Steve get a water pump working. It didn't, so we waited for Steve to pull it up the hill. Not a good thing, but he made it just as we had to leave.

On the way home I shared where some of my had lived or owned businesses with Scott and Doug. Scott said I had a story for every little town we went through. I laughed , but as I thought about it, I do have a lot of family history through that area.

It was encouraging to go with these guys and I felt very relaxed. I would love to go out with them again, soon. I needed it a lot.

I also have to plug that I'm very excited about Iron Man coming out next year. I probably won't be able to see it in theatres, but I will eventually.

Is Gore Sidious... I mean serious!?!

2007-07-08T12:46:00.000-04:00

I saw a newscast last night about Live Earth and all of the rock acts trying to make a difference in the world. Something new to sell, I guess. And they think Christians are trying to sell something!?!

I think I saw the anti-christ(Revelation 13:15) when Al Gore appreared in holographic form to speak to Tokyo, Japan. All I could see was Emperor Palpatine(Darth Sidiuous).

I'm not the only one who thought this as you will see, if you follow this link.

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1862324/posts

I could definitely see Star Wars flashing through my head as hologram technology beams worldwide. I'm excited and horrified all at the same time.

But, Mr. Gore, if you can't help your son live a life where he doesn't feel the need to get high or drunk and stay out of jail, or get in a car and drive under the influence, then why are you spending so much time worrying about the future of the world? Your time is now with your son. You won't get another chance to help him. The boy obviously needs more attention from his parents. Not his dad going on some crusade to save the world. Wasn't Tipper the one who fought to get Explicit Lyrics posted on CD's? Where's the moral compass? Oh yeah, playing Star Wars in Tokyo!

I agree with Chris Rock: "I hope Live Earth helps the world as much as Farm Aid helped end world hunger."

This is Al Gore announcing his Presidential bid!!!

But who is that standing behind him?

"Always two there are!"

Randomness

2007-07-04T00:47:00.000-04:00

Just some thoughts...

We stopped by my mother's grave a week or two ago. someone had glued a sleeping cherub on the grave stone. This place never seems real to me. Even after ten years. I introduced Caden to this place again because I want him to know he had another grandma. One that would have loved him a whole lot. I miss you, mom!!!

I've been stressed out for the past two weeks because I am the acting Coordinator while my boss recovers from surgery. The good side is I've shown that I can handle the stress at work multiple times over and they have a lot of confidence in me.

I miss my friend Swanger! You know the guy who would watch cool movies with my wife and I and sit down and play music with an acoustic guitar and my djembe. We'd laugh, act stupid, and be ourselves(or so I thought). Now, he only visits certain people when he comes to town. Why doesn't he visit us anymore?

I deleted The Drummer's Almanac blog. What a waste of time! I thought I would use it as a teaching tool once I had students again, but I've only had one response so far. I may not be teaching anytime soon. I thought about going to the music store downtown and asking if they could use a drum instructor. Who knows?

I am so ready to dig into scripture. I can feel myself getting hungry and wanting more when I read. The Lord has been faithful to me even when my faith has floundered. He has shown himself and puts me in my place as I question, doubt, fear or worry. He has my family in His hands.

I have been envious of those with money. I find myself scheming and plotting to make money somehow. It's not healthy because I lose focus on Him. We are facing changes to our budget that we can't control and we are already stretched really thin. There isn't much more we can take away without losing the "privilege" of eating. It's not a "right" you know!?! Time to perservere.

I called Donovan this week and he surprised me by putting his brother, Rich, on the phone. We talked for a while and had a good conversation. We don't talk much or see each other very often. He is living around our area now and wants to get together and jam. This excites me because I love to play music with him and Donovan. This is also an answer to prayer as I have been asking God for a guitarist to come around and want to jam. I also threw in that I would love to have Rich back around. It wasn't my idea totally. God knew what I wanted before I did.

In the morning, I'm going to Dave and Kelly's house to help them finish their stairwell. I will be high on a ladder, and enjoying myself as I help a friend.

We are going to my in-laws in the afternoon for a cookout and waterfights. It's been a tradition since I first met Casey(nine years ago!) We may go and watch fireworks later, but we are trying to save our gas.

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

2007-06-18T00:15:00.000-04:00

I saw this movie tonight with Dave.

We stopped at Chipotle for some tasty grub and a Dos Equis. Then it was off to movie land. We both were anticipating the preview for Transformers, but it had already moved to the next preview when we sat down, so we went to a later showing so we could see it. It was worth it. I gotta see this movie!!!!!!!

I really liked this movie. I'm not a big FF4 fan, so I wasn't putting too much hope into this one. In fact, I thought it was going to be one of the worst comic movies made. To Dave's and my surprise it was really good. They cleaned up the mess of the first movie and made Dr. Doom actually smart and ruthless as he should be. They even got rid of his organic metal skin. Also, Norrin Radd(surfer) was great, true to character and sounded cool with Lawrence Fishburne's(Morpheus) voice.

Embracing the Light

2007-06-11T23:15:00.000-04:00

I took the first pic of Caden last Summer and the second pic of Ethan this evening at a park in Hilliard called Homestead Park.

A cool place for kids and adults. Tunnels, fishing, bike trails, jungle gyms, a water gun fort, and an old caboose.

These are probably the coolest pics I've ever taken. I love them. I think I'll have to have them framed. As soon as I figure out how to blow them up without pixelating them.

Faithless!?!

2007-06-09T23:51:00.000-04:00

Mathew 7:24-27
24"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."

We had a discussion about these verses with our home group. It sums up every parable from Mathew 5 through 7. It also makes me think of how we live our lives. When we are faced with something not in our control. How do we deal with it? Do we chuck it all and try to outlast it or do we stand firm on His foundation. One of our friends stated the rain is not something we have to look at as bad, but something that will make us stronger or help us grow.

That's what rain is for, by the way.

Lately, I've been listening to Rush's new album, "Snakes and Arrows". Some really great things on it. Some really not so great things as well. Neil Peart really wears his heart on his sleeve with this album. Something he doesn't normally do. One of the songs on the album is titled "Faithless". Right away I was anxious to hear this one because of the content. Neil has never been a Jesus believer. Here are some of the lyrics below:

"I've got my own moral compass to steer by
A guiding star beats a spirit in the sky"
And all the preaching voices -
Empty vessels of dreams so loud
As they move among the crowd
Fools and thieves are well disguised
In the temple and market place

Like a stone in the river
Against the floods of spring
I will quietly resist
Like the willows in the wind
Or the cliffs along the ocean
I will quietly resist

I don't have faith in faith
I don't believe in belief
You can call me faithless
I still cling to hope
And I believe in love
And that's faith enough for me"

Kind of funny how he says he doesn't have faith in faith and doesn't believe in belief, but he later says "I believe in love and that's faith enough for me". These lyrics are pointed and aggressive, but mostly just sad. This man lost his wife and daughter in the same year. The same year I lost my mother. It's amazing to see how one chooses to live after tragedy. Please pray for Neil to have ears to hear Jesus.

I would like to turn those lyrics around to say:

"I have faith in faith
I believe in belief
You can call me faithful
I still cling to hope
And I believe in love
And I will seek Him faithfully"

What grows your faith? Is it the rain? It is for me. As I look at what I cling to when the floods come in, I know where I place my faith. Even when I don't think it's enough. Even when I hear echos of doubt or I feel the need to hide my face from Him.

Transformers

2007-06-08T21:03:00.000-04:00

Man, I gotta tell ya, I am soooo excited about Transformers movie coming out on July 3rd. It is probably making me more excited than some of the comic book movies right now.

I have high expectations, as any fan does, when I hear these movies are being made. Usually, as long as the core character is there I'm happy, but if they miss the point of the character and his or her struggle, then they've wasted millions on a piece if shite. Fantastic Four is one of those pieces of shite. I mean The Thing in a foam rubber suit!?!

Transformers is having the guy who voiced the original Optimus Prime from the 80's cartoon be the voice of Optimus prime in the movie. That alone tells me they are taking great pains to make this movie worth it. What I've seen so far, it's better than one usually expects.

The characters are similar to their original incarnations which wipes the sweat from my brow. It also means they aren't going to make up their own robots to fit their story.

Lets just hope we don't see the Dynobots.

Visit this link for some cool videos and pics.

Visit this link for the cool theme song.

New Blog

2007-05-29T23:36:00.001-04:00

Hey, everyone. Please visit my new blog "The Drummer's Almanac". It's for drum nerds, but I would like you to know you may see some things of interest. Or maybe you'll be bored to tears.

On it you will see some cool videos, great drum links, get free lessons from me, or hear a review or two. You may just get hooked on drumming.

"Figuring It Out": Part 20 of the Drummer's Almanac

2007-05-24T23:17:00.000-04:00

Three years have passed and once again it's time to test my skills and "figure out" the new Rush album. It's called "Snakes and Arrows". Why? I don't know, but I think it has something to do with directions and winding life roads that lead to unexpected places. The journey. Probably some kind of new age thing.
Now, I know some of you don't like them, but for me, it's a musical highlight that I can't dismiss. I know they aren't commercial. I know it's hard to identify with their music. That's not why I like them. I like them because I just like them. The music hits me and I fall for it.

It's like hearing Justin Timberlake's new track, "What Comes Around". You can't help but want to sing along. No explanation, you just start to groove with it.

I've also noticed my taste is changing. I like more soulful singing and less aggression. Songs like, "Hey" by the Chili Peppers, "Vultures" by John Mayer, and "American Baby" by the Dave Matthews Band.

Rush isn't quite like that, but they have a special place in my heart. Being able to escape in their music helped me through the roughest time in my life. I still almost come to tears when I hear "Time Stand Still" or "Losing It".

Anyway, I am very excited to get my hands on the next Rush masterpiece and push my drumming to a new level.

As a perfectionist, I like to work on such things as precision and effortless playing. So, when I hear something new I am inspired to be able to duplicate it and maybe use it for something else. It may not even be a new technique, but just a new way of playing that I haven't thought of. So I try it and if it feels good, I keep it and sometimes expand on it.

On the other hand, I like the satisfaction of playing something as good as a seasoned, legendary, drummer. Even though I didn't make it up, I still "figured it out".

Burning the Affliction

2007-05-19T16:19:00.000-04:00

Well, you probably know what kind plant is featured in this pic.

Yep. I got it.

It's not fun and has become quite painful.

I'm not sure how I got it because I have been doing so much outside.

I planted flowers for Casey on Mother's Day and weeded our flower beds in front of the house. They looked really good until we had rain and now they are infested again. It's just a little frustrating, but I love to work in my beds. Especially when I see the fruit of my labor. Our flowers are in full bloom and our hostas are coming up bigger than when we planted them last year.

Casey and I took the boys to Clifton Gorge last weekend. It's a beautiful place to go hiking and "GET POISON IVY!!!" I don't know for sure , but that is the most likely place. Anyway, Clifton Gorge was a lot of fun and the boys loved it. They like to throw rocks into the river. We walked about a half an hour into the gorge and then the boys started getting tired. So, we went to Young's Dairy and got ice cream, pet cows and goats, and watched jet fighters scream over our heads at a local airport. It was an awesome day. If you get a chance, check out the little town of Yellow Springs. A little lost in the sixties, but quite ecclectic. I bought my djembe there a few years back and Dave Chappell lives there.

No matter where I got this affliction, I am in agony. I bleached the blisters, which has helped, but their not gone yet. I even got it down..... there..... Yep, I bleached it too. Not the most genious plan. I don't think even fire can burn that bad.

So be careful the next time you go hiking or pull something from your flower beds. Wear gloves or use a shovel.

It Is Finished!!!

2007-05-09T08:07:00.000-04:00

The two day debacle is over. For those of you who don't know, my choir had to perform at a dedication and grand opening ceremony for the new women's wing. We sang in front of State Representative Tony Core and was even featured on ONN.

I was impressed with my guys because they sang so good it brought tears to a few eyes and we received a standing "O". Very cool!!!

I rewarded them for their hard work at Dairy Queen and rented Deja-vu for them to see. They enjoyed it very much and so did I.

Triggers to Triumph

2007-04-04T00:14:00.000-04:00

I was blessed to have an interesting conversation with a resident today about self fulfilling prophecy. We had much more in common than I expected, which reminded me that I am not very different from them.

Being drummers and christians, we were talking about our musical experiences which lead to me talking about contacting studios to be a musician for hire and how that empowered me to keep pushing myself. This lead to how we have given in to self-defeating behaviors. Like telling myself, "Oh, it won't work out anyway. I might as well give it up." "Nothing good will ever come of it!"

He really identified and stated he knows he has triggers that play into everyday situations. He said he never joined bands that he wishes he would have because of these triggers or feelings.

I like to call them lies!

As he was telling me about his triggers his face turned several shades of red and his voice became softer. He called it out and said even just talking about it makes him nervous and start to have panic attacks. Another way I identified with him.

We have feared the fear.

We then addressed how we have started to overcome these irrational thoughts(lies!!!) by putting ourselves in uncomfortable situations like e-mailing studios, getting in front of 90 people and speaking, playing drums in situations we would have previously been intimidated, etc...

It was uplifting to hear the spirit of triumph. To call those lies out in the open and watch them disappear.

Musician for Hire

2007-03-29T00:01:00.000-04:00

Well I did it!

I sent an e-mail to four recording studios in Columbus telling them I was interested in being a musician for hire.

Scott D, Scott Y, and I were talking about what we would like to do for our dream jobs. Jokingly, we said we would hold each other accountable to just start working on it. So, I did it. I thought, "why not? What's holding me back?"

myself

It was easy after I got started.

But, this is a big step for me. My lack of confidence has anchored me in the mud for a long time now...

The good thing is, I know I am good enough.

Deep down.

When I talk of confidence, I mean I don't have confidence that it will go anywhere. Because I may be turned down or I might...gulp.... fail.

beep be beep beep<Newsflash> be beep beep beep

I am afraid to fail!

What a lame excuse. Music is probably the one thing people are most confident I can do.

Not sure if I'm okay with that, but it's true.

I used my job seeking skills I teach in Job Readiness class to market myself.

No fluff, just bare bones truth!

I didn't say anything I couldn't back up.

So, hopefully, someone will take the bait and make contact with me. If not, I will have to call them directly.

At least I have a plan and my resume is already on a cd just waiting to be heard.

I'll wait to get nervous when they ask me to show them what I can do.

A gig, a wedding, a rant

2007-03-21T00:06:00.000-04:00

Well, my gig went very well. I played smoothly and the rust seemed to shake off pretty easily. I had a few rough spots, but the band was very good with letting it go and having a good time. I really enjoy that band because we have a good time and the music is still challenging enough to push me. It seemed like I never left the band and it makes me miss those days. Thank you, to Scot and Cheryl for coming out to support me. I'm sorry we didn't get to visit very long.

I have some congrats to two of my friends: 1. The Scotzman with his new baby niece.
2. Faithful joy for getting that promotion.
Love you guys.

I was involved in the wedding of two of our friends this past weekend. I video taped while my wife was a bridesmaid. It was a really short ceremony, even though there were three songs sung by their family. The reception was laid back and we stayed for the whole thing. We really felt it on Sunday when church came up and I had worship team and Casey stayed home with the boys.

Lately, I'm missing my friends.

I miss just hanging out and having dinner and laughing hysterically. I need it.

I also need to rant!!!

Immigration has become something I am very concerned about. I have heard both sides' views and can understand , but I also think we are losing our country when we let our culture be destroyed because we let our americana values be a thin veil painted on by our nieve understanding of history. We want to hang onto the way things used to be. Too bad they aren't the way they used to be. Mom, baseball, and apple pie. Chip away ... chip away...

Two immigrants from europe came to America in the early 1900's. The came here because they wanted something better for themselves. They found a land of dreams and opportunity. They became legends. Jerry Seigel and Joe Shuster created the greatest superhero ever known. He is called Superman. He was an alien who upheld "Truth, Justice, and (dare I say it?)The American Way"!!!! He championed, honored, and upheld his country because it took him in and gave him a new life.

How do you bite the hand that feeds?

When in america..... don't do as the americans do... do as you want the americans to do.
They'll catch up.......eventually.

Filling In

2007-03-06T23:01:00.000-05:00

I have been asked to fill in on drums for my old band one80 on Saturday. I must tell you that I was so excited and happy to do this I got all giddy. That doesn't happen often, but I have been longing to rock for a while. God knew just what I needed to lift me.

If you don't know about this band, then you are in for a treat. They are goofy and fun and really passionate about God. Sounds typical until you hear them. They definetely have their own style and way of having fun on stage. They cover anything from Blues to Soul to Worship and a even a little Latin.

A little Tidbit: Steve Reed, the frontman and lead guitarist is responsible for playing guitar on my song Blood of the Mighty.

This is an invite for those who still read this blog. Come on out to the Cooper Road Vineyard on Saturday, March 10th around 7:30PM. Get a bite to eat at the cafe and enjoy coffee or other drinks as we entertain. We'll get the Holy Ghost woikin'!!!

Track of the Day

2007-02-18T22:09:00.000-05:00

Well, I did it. I entered my one and only finished song in a contest. Not for the faint of heart, might I add.

I had to put up with some really bad reviews of the song. That's the point of the contest. I just wanted to see how it would be received.

It made Track of the Day for Feb. 19, 2007 on Garageband.com. Look for Thrive Tribe - "Blood of the Mighty". It's listed under Progressive Rock, even though it may not be. So, check it out and hear my song. It was very gratifying to see my work being recognized in any form. The cool thing was that I found out it would be track of the day on my birthday.

Once again, I would like to thank Casey(background vocals), Jim(producer, engineer), Steve(guitars), Donovan(bass), and Adrienne(background vocals) for your hard work and awesome talent. I wouldn't sound like a band without you.

Asking For What I Need?!?

2007-02-13T14:44:00.000-05:00

...instead of what I want! A phrase we use at work to let our residents know they can ask for help. For me, God spoke to me through 1 Kings 1-3.

Have it my way? ...I don't think so!

Adonijah, David's firstborn, thought he ought to be king, so he had a feast in his own honor proclaiming the throne. He presumed David would hand it to him because of birth order. He took the throne for granted.

Bathsheba goes to David and reminds him of the promise he made to make Solomon the King of Judah and Israel. Solomon ended up taking the throne and handled it with great care. The Lord told him to ask for whatever he wanted and he would receive it. So, Solomon asked for wisdom and discernment. The Lord gave him discernment like no other and riches to make him stand out among all other kings before him or after.

Adonijah, on the other hand kept asking for what he wanted even when it wasn't his to have. Solomon had him put to death.

Lately, I've been worrying about our finances. I know God has our back. He hasn't failed yet. But in my humanness, I lose faith because I look down the road and I don't see how we are going to afford things. I even broke my own covenant by asking God to give me money. Not just money, but a lot of money. Not that my heart was in the wrong place, but my focus surely was. I know in my heart that I want the will of God for my family. Whatever that looks like!

It's my head that thinks differently.

Solomon had everything he needed and more because he chose to ask for discernment. He wanted to rule justly and honor his father and Lord.

I also asked for discernment. I think there is no better gift to ask for than that. I want to know His will more than anything and that concern has been an ongoing struggle with my faith. I also know that God puts in charge who he wants and that is an honor all in itself. As for me and my house...

Tuned In, Tuned Out, & Tuned On: Part 12 of the Drummer's Almanac

2007-01-28T01:51:00.000-05:00

Well, for starters, we now have the internet at home. So, I can post as heavily as I want without constraint. Except time that is... It's only Roadrunner Lite, but it works for us.

I also want to say I've been pressing into God more and more. He has delivered(literally) and as I own more of my actions and confess those to him, the closer he gets. It's hard to let go of guilt, shame, fear, or resentment. A lot harder than I thought! Shawna, Casey and I went to a worship conference last week at another Vineyard church. The worship was good and I knew I was going up front for prayer. John Wimber's daughter-in-law spoke and her message hit dead on target. As I prayed, I felt Him rush through me and He delivered me. The peace that flowed through me afterward was clearly from Him. Praise God!!!

On to less serious matters: Tuning my drums! (I just had to ask myself if I really am less serious) This task is the most tedious and time consuming part of being a drummer. I am not a drum tech by any means. I've had enough experience to do okay, but my drums never end up how I want them to sound. I love a deep "doooommm" sound in my toms so I can fit any style of music and my snare has to be warm with a good "crack" or "pop" when I hit the rim with the center of the drum. When they sound good or pleasing, I can get lost in my playing and become inspired. So, tuning them "in" isn't as easy as it sounds. It would be nice if someone made a tuner for drummers like the ones a lot of guitarists use. A little red light that told me when I was on. Impossible now, but maybe one day.

I spent about 3 hours trying to tune "in" my floor tom and it still doesn't sound great. I know I'm critical. I also know what I like and I wish I could get it there. I still have the rest of my kit to tune. It becomes a lot like myself. I have to turn each lug a small increment trying to get them in sync with each other, which sometime pulls a lug out of sync and I have to start all over again. I have to keep turning myself towards God. I walk a path and stray and then turn back to Him. Perserverence is the key. Knowing the outcome and pressing on until you reach the goal. The closer I get the more the drum will "sing".

Brought to you by the letter """....

New Exodus, New Creation, New Age

2006-12-19T13:54:00.000-05:00

I have forgotten my faith...
Romans 5:1-2
1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith,
we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,
2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.
And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.

I have forgotten where my hope lies...
Job 17: 13-16
13 If the only home I hope for is the grave,
if I spread out my bed in darkness,
14 if I say to corruption, 'You are my father,'
and to the worm, 'My mother' or 'My sister,'
15 where then is my hope?
Who can see any hope for me?
16 Will it go down to the gates of death?
Will we descend together into the dust?

I have forgotten who I love...
John 14:20-21
20 On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you.
21 Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me.
He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to
him."

Even though I have forgotten in the past... I know that today...

I am my Beloved's and He is mine!

1 Thessalonians 5:8-10
8 But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a
breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet.
9 For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus
Christ.
10 He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him.

Confessions of a King

2006-11-15T15:59:00.000-05:00

Hello eveyone. It's been a while since I blogged, so I thought I would catch everyone up.

My new flavor of the month is definitely... , well I have two: Under The Influence of Giants' album of the same name and The Killers' new album Sam's Town. I've taken about two weeks to discover all of the songs and I love them. I usually turn on UTIG when I'm wanting something upbeat and happy and when I want something different I turn on The Killers.

Okay, so I'm missing Lost already. I'm not happy with this season, but I need answers and I think they, once again, have raised more questions than they have answered. We'll see when they resume the show in February. Wednesdays will not have much to offer for a while.

Spiritually, I am doing okay. I say that because I have stepped out in faith and my confidence is growing. I am ready to lead a home group and I am getting more confident to pray for others in service. My prayer time is still lacking and my devotion time is non existent. I am still appalled by Christian music and cannot seem to shake it. Even some worship music is sounding mundane and recycled. I am a spoiled boy. I only want to hear Kansas City IHOP worship.

Drumming-wise I am stuck in a rut. I am playing the same things that are comfortable and not pushing myself or honing in on one skill. Oh well, back to the ole woodshed.

Choir director-wise I think they are coming along nicely. They aren't going to draw big crowds, but they'll at least be able to stay on key. It's been really fun.

I put together a list of 10 songs I would want to play if I am ever in a band again in no particular order:
1. Fell On Black Days - Soundgarden
2. What's Going On - Marvin Gaye
3. Message in a Bottle - The Police
4. Wheel in the Sky - Journey
5. Resist - Rush
6. Operation Spirit - Live
7. Higher Ground - Stevie Wonder/ Red Hot Chili Peppers
8. Monkey Wrench - Foo Fighters
9. Killer Queen - Queen
10. Mustang Sally - Wilson Pickett

I'll keep adding to this list. Wow! Pretty diverse!

Holy ...., Choir Director!

2006-10-27T08:48:00.000-04:00

I was just made Choir Director at work!

This is a pretty big honor and I feel up to the task. I have a co-director and he has a lot of experience, so this should be a lot of fun.

We are going to hold auditions soon because we already have our first gig lined up on December 7th, 2006. Our Program Director lined up the date at her church before she knew who would be leading the choir. So, travel is on the horizon.

We are already catching flack for holding auditions, but if you've ever heard 20 guys singing off key, then you know why we need them. The previous director never held auditions. She felt that music was therapeutic and all men should have a chance. Although, I would like all men to have a chance, I also know that not all men can sing well. Then you add that we are going to visit places showcasing our talent. I don't care if they're great vocalists. I just want them to carry a tune and stay on key.

It will take some time to get good, but we are running out of that commodity fast!

So, you better watch out! You better not cry! The West Central Choir is coming to a town near you!!!!!!!

Rock On!!!!!!!

2006-10-19T16:02:00.000-04:00

I heard Van Halen's "Cradle Will Rock" today on the radio and it blew me away. It says my favorite line, "Rock On!", and I jammed out in the car.

Those types of songs are fun to hear and, if a band can pull them off, exciting to watch live. I would like to hear from some of you out there on what you like to hear, so I can get a list together.

So, if you read this, please post a few classic or new songs you would want to hear if you saw a live band.

I Wanna Rock!!!

2006-10-18T17:15:00.000-04:00

I know a lot of you out there have seen the old Twisted Sister videos on MTV. The one where the man asks his son,"What are you gonna do with the rest of your life? The kid answers with, "I wanna rock!!!!", and the song kicks in and the video is stupid.

I totally identify with that kid right now. I have been in band limbo for about three years and the itch to commit to a band is pretty strong. I know I kick @$# on my instrument, but really, it's about gratification. I want to play, man.

When I say I want to play, I mean i want to play music I love and have fun doing it. I want to kick out the Killers' "Smile Like You Mean It" and then go into Journey's "Lights". I don't want to be labeled as a Christian band, but just as a band. I want to play at all kinds of events and not just cater to the Christian public.

Casey and I were talking and we both feel like we want to play music we are excited to hear. We want to rock!!!

Don't gasp too loud, but we don't even like most of the "Christian" music out right now.

Does this mean I'm some kind of music snob? Yeah, it does. I like what I like. I don't need to like it because they mention Jesus. I'm getting tired of the Christian community only catering to other christians. We are really good at that! We are safe in that!

Casey and I want to be in a rock band that just happens to be Christians. There doesn't need to be a sign in front of our name saying we are Christian. Hopefully we will portray that through our actions and when someone talks with us.

My dad never wanted my old band to come to the Moose because we were a "Christian" band. He didn't want to be embarassed and or preached to. But I guarantee if we meet him at his level and just play good music and be a good rock band, he will want us to play there.

I want to meet people where they are at that moment. I can't do that by excluding them. I want them to rock with me.

Expanding the Kingdom?

2006-10-12T10:54:00.000-04:00

In my last post I talked about being a disciple of Christ and learning to refocus our "agendas". In refocusing our agendas, I mean dying out to Christ and learning to be aware of our surroundings and happenings so that we may show Christ to others and expand the Kingdom.

Our home group discussed this topic as being "naturally supernatural". John Wimber talked about it and based the Vineyard movement on it. More on that topic, later.

When I say we should be aware of our surroundings and circumstances, I mean we should always be looking and expecting to be able to show and share Christ in practical ways.

On Tuesday night I had a chance to expand the Kingdom. I saw a man in the hospital in the ICU unit that I haven't seen in a long time. He was getting ready to go home. I went over to him and said, "Hello. Do you remember me?" He said, "Sure. How are you?" He told me his condition and what he has been suffering through. He then told me he was face to face with the devil. He said he thought he was gone, but he fought back and told the devil you can't get me.

I started to think about what I could say, but I didn't think of anything. I told him to say his prayers and he should be okay. He said, "I wasn't scared." He started talking about something else at that point and I was left wondering what he meant. Why wasn't he scared? Does he already know Christ? Could be, I didn't ask. That's what bothers me.

I feel like I failed to say anything of worth to someone who needed to hear about Christ. I can think of a few things to say now that I've experienced the situation, but not when it mattered. I know now that I need to train myself to meet people where they are when opportunities arise.

The cool thing is, I didn't have to bring Christ up. He started talking about death and how he is tired. I just needed to take what he gave me and use it to help him see Christ. That's what expanding the kingdom is all about.

Disciples

2006-10-06T11:17:00.000-04:00

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." John 15:1-2

Our home group met last night for the first time this month. I was very excited to lead and had over prepared the lesson, as usual. I get the chance to lead home group once a month and I wanted to use this time to refocus our group and unify our vision to be in line with our leadership and what God has planned for us.

Now, I don't claim to know what God has planned, but I do know this is a season of dying out to our own cause and surrendering our agendas. Just like the seaon of Fall, we are in a place of dying out so that new can come in and regenerate and rejuvenate us. At this time most plants go to seed so that through the winter the seeds are planted and new growth will happen in the Spring. The same is going for our group.

We had been lacking structure in our group because we wanted to build relationships more than have a set plan for every group. This was good for Summer, but in the Fall more people come to groups and things get more settled. So, I structured our time around the model I had heard our Home Group Advisor talk about.

Worship wwent very well and we moved straight into ministry from that point. We went where the Spirit led. It's not about keeping a tight structure. It's about having structure and then deviating to fit the current needs of the group. We have been lacking in this area where we really press in and pray for those in our group. To immediately address a need and let nothing stand in the way of bringing it to the Lord.

The lesson went very well as we discussed being disciples of Christ. What that means and how we do it. Our church has been talking a lot about Servant Evangelism and how each home group should have a monthly project to reach out to the community. The thing is, if you are following Jesus, evangelism becomes a natural part of your existence. You become naturally supernatural and as an extension of that aware of opportunities to reach out to the lost. We don't have to have the gimmick of the month on whatever street corner to reach the lost.

How many new people are coming to our church that we fail to see the opportunity to invite them to our home groups and get them connected. The point is not to get them to the church or building, but to get them to the body. They will go to the building after they have reached the body because they will want to join in our celebration. The focus has to be on Christ and not on our facility.

We have a backwards view of what the Church body looks like. We think we are centralized in the facility and we only meet at homes to have a Bible study. &%^#No! We go to the homes to build the body and go to the facility to celebrate what we have experienced in Christ.

Regeneration of the body will happen when we focus on doing what Jesus did and realigning our daily lives with his model of life. You don't have to know everything, understand everything or be something your not. You do need to put Jesus' ways into practice. We will bear fruit as we are pruned by Him.

Prune: to cleanse

He will cleanse us and make us able to produce.

The 1897 Bible Dictionary defines a disciple as the following:
A scholar, sometimes applied to the followers of John the Baptist (Matt. 9:14), and of the Pharisees (22:16), but principally to the followers of Christ. A disciple of Christ is one who (1) believes his doctrine, (2) rests on his sacrifice, (3) imbibes his spirit, and (4) imitates his example (Matt. 10:24; Luke 14:26, 27, 33; John 6:69).

Imbibes: to take in as if by drinking; saturation

End of the Spear

2006-10-04T10:29:00.000-04:00

Last night my wife and I watched one of the best movies I have ever seen. It is called End of the Spear. It is about missionaries that made contact with one of the most feared tribes in the Amazonian jungle. Not only did they make contact, but they introduced "Waongongi's" love to help break their ancient cycle of violence.

There were two moments in the movie where I just started crying. I hardly ever cry during a movie, but this was awesome. One of the tribesman asked why the men didn't fight back and the tribe leader's sister answered, "they wanted to tell you that Waonongi had a son, who died, and was stabbed with a spear, and jumped the great boa." I don't want to give away too much, but there was power in her statement.

At the end, I was left feeing deeply passionate about sharing the gospel with others. I saw how Christ's love extended through generations and broke cycles of hatred and struggles for dominance.

Casey and I both were balling. I don't think you can watch the movie and not be touched. Go and rent this movie. It is well worth it.

Everyone, please remain standing.......

2006-09-12T11:27:00.000-04:00

About six months ago I was asked to facilitate a wedding for my cousin Jessica. She and her husband were already married by a Justice of the Peace and wanted to go through the motions of a ceremony for family and friends. I was very excited and humbled to say yes and prepare for this important event.

I asked my pastor to share his knowledge and he gave me a wedding book and a format of a recent wedding ceremony. This made me more confident and ready. Turns out, Jessica had everything typed up and planned out ahead of time and all I needed to prepare were a couple of prayers. The rehearsal time was very fast and, of course, we forgot a few things like the greeting.

The ceremony was held in a secluded area nestled behind two corn fields. It even had a shallow creek at the back and made for a beautiful environment for a wedding. A few family members and a lot of old aquaintences were present which made me a little nervous.

My cousin entered with her dad on a Harley riding side saddle. He rode her up to the aisle wearing a leather top hat and vest. It was little rock'n'roll, but fun. When he walked her up I asked, "Who gives this woman to marry this man?" I could see him get nervous and he forgot what to say, so I prompted him. He sat down and she walked up by me. Normally, the congregation sits after the bride comes up front and the ceremony moves on, but instead I didn't tell everyone to sit and they remained standing the rest of the time. We didn't rehearse that part, so I didn't think about it. It was good that the rings and vows only took about ten minutes total. I was also given a wireless mic which had a time delay because of the distance of the speakers. It threw me once during prayer and I had to find my place again.

I feel like I did a very good job and could do it again, easily. I had a few mistakes, but I know what to do the next time, if I ever get the chance. It was a proud moment for me. Praise the Lord! He definitely gave me confidence and wisdom during this process.

The reception was a lot of fun because my dad had time to play with my sons. He took them to the creek and Ethan, my youngest, fell in the water. The bank was about four feet high and he just tumbled all the way down. I was the only to react as everyone else was in shock. I stepped into the murky water and pulled him out. He was also shocked and crying. Everyone started laughing because they didn't know what else to do. Later, Caden and I shared our first pee in the woods and waded in the creek together. There was an outhouse for women only. Men had to use the fields or trees.

Good times.

Lillies in the Fall

2006-08-28T15:33:00.002-04:00

A couple of weeks ago my boss received some grim news regarding the woman who started our local food pantry. We will call her Robbie in this story. She was given two weeks to two months to live and has been fighting leukemia for almost two years.

Robbie started the food pantry with her husband and funded the operations almost single-handedly including purchasing a building to house all of the food. Over the years the food pantry has helped a lot of local families and is well respected in our community.

Robbie said God had spoken to her about some of the people receiving food that didn't need it, but took it greedily. She wanted to call them out and not let them have the food, but the Lord said, if you turn anyone away, I will hold you accountable. If you freely give, then I will hold them accountable for wrongly taking the food. Robbie said she never turned anyone away after that and has shared that story many times with my residents at the correctional facility.

Even though I have never met her, Robbie has made quite a mark on my heart. She has had a great relationship with us as a community service site. Our residents are always impressed at how those people are so giving. The food pantry is definitely a favorite site for my guys.

Well, after the horrible news, my boss went to the floor and asked one of our residents if she could take a picture he drew and give it to Robbie as a gift for her lasting relationship with us and contribution to our community. The resident was very excited because he had been to the food pantry. The picture was a remake of "Forgiven". You know, where Jesus is holding up the guy who is holding a hammer and a nail. The picture also has easter lillies in the bottom corners and was drawn by Thomas Blackshear II.

I took the picture and had it matted and framed and we presented the picture to the current operator of the food pantry, Ally. Ally is good friends with Robbie and as soon as she saw it started to weep and looked as though she would pass out. We asked if she was okay and she said, "It is amazing. You don't know how much Robbie is gonna like this picture." "The lillies in the bottom of the picture are so significant." We asked why and she stated, "Robbie's husband passed away on Easter of last year. We had Easter lillies from his funeral and planted them beside the food pantry in a victory garden dedicated to Robbie and her husband. The lillies bloomed in the spring and then died as normal lillies do. This fall the lillies are now blooming at a time when Robbie was given only a short time to live."

My resident started to cry and was overwhelmed. He said he was so compelled to draw that piece of art because he heard God saying, "draw it, draw it, now!" He didn't know why. He just did it and used it as a poster for a transition ceremony at our facility. The residents transitioning had signed it and almost messed up the drawing. When I took it to get matted, the clerk helped me get a matte design that would cover the signatures, but not the art work. I had suggested an oval which would have covered the lillies in the picture. The clerk suggested another design and it did the job. The drawing was preserved and the lillies could be seen.

The residents also said he had to draw more lillies because there weren't enough in the picture. Ally told Robbie that the lillies were a sign for her to go home with her husband.

Ally presented Robbie with the picture. Robbie sobbed and sobbed. She was so happy and touched at the work our residents did. She asked Ally to hang the picture in the food pantry after she passes away. Ally promised her it would hang for everyone to see.

Divine Appointment

2006-08-16T12:08:00.000-04:00

Worship Team practice was scheduled for 8:30AM today, so I was at the church this morning, which is highly unusual. I normally work late on Wednesdays because I lead a group at night. Our team is in the process of reforming and we were getting to know each other a little better. My pastor was there and he asked me if I wanted to get some coffee with him.

We went to a a new place called Perk-a-deli. We talked for about an hour and a half and it was really uplifting for me. I was able to connect with him and lay some burdens down. We also just had a good conversation. It was comforting. He said I had been on his heart the last few days and he wanted to be able to see me.

The Lord is awesome. Divine appointments are special and the Lord placed me on someone's heart. I really had a sense of peace when we were done and I praise God for thinking of me. It really was just in time.

Time and Motion: Part 11 of the Drummer's Almanac

2006-08-14T11:21:00.000-04:00

It's that time again where I criticize my drumming and complain about my lack of time to hone my skills.

Phrasing is everything! I sat down on my kit the other day and just started playing. I was not warmed up, as you can imagine, so I couldn't groove.

Normally I have a beat in mind and I try to play it with some passion. This time, I tried to improvise some fills and couldn't keep the time. I was rushing and disrupted the feel too many to count. My fills were scripted too, which makes me feel like I'm not original. I always want to keep it fresh. (I just watched the Blue Man Group use plumbing as percussion in their live show)

If you have ever sat and watched a player on stage not sync up with the rest of the band? It sounds uncomfortable and awkward. That is what I was playing like. It's like when you hit a baseball and you can tell you've connected because it feels great when it flies out to the fence. That's what drumming feels like when you connect with the group and you are in the pocket or groove.

Im trying not to be too hard on myself because I know I need more time to just play. I have the ability, I just want to feel it all of the time. Kind of like feeling the Holy Spirit. You can't get enough!

Chasing The Wind of the Spirit

2006-07-06T12:16:00.000-04:00

The way the Lord reveals himself to me is always fresh and exciting.

In my last blog i was lamenting my inability to hear(listen to) Him. i was getting frustrated and felt like i was in a dry spell. i wasn't reading His word or reading anything inspiring.

Not until Jen showed up bearing gifts from Detroit. She gave my wife and i three books based on prophetic teaching. One, in particular, has gripped me and now i am almost halfway through the book.

Cheryl left a comment on my last entry to just look for new ways to hear Him. i did just that and found Him.

The book i'm reading is "Growing in the Prophetic" by Mike Bickle. He talks about "the wind" of the spirit, "the fire" of the spirit, and "the wine" of the spirit. The wind part reminded me of my conversion. The wind is the coming of the Holy Spirit. Like on the Day of Pentacost when a rushing mighty wind shook the building and the disciples trembled. My conversion was no different. i had just committed my life to Jesus and asked the Lord to let me know he heard my cry. He answered with a stirring of the wind that swept me up and snuggled me in His loving embrace. i would have thought it to be coincidence if the night wasn't so calm.

So i wanted to write a song based on the wind of the spirit. i was meditating on these thoughts this morning in the shower when i kept hearing "Baptize My Heart" by Misty Edwards. She is talking about the baptism of the heart by the Holy Spirit. The next line is "with Your fire", "desire". This is the place i'm in now. i want the fiery passion of the Holy Spirit to course through me. i want to know God's heart.

Where do i go from here? i don't know. i am just going to wait.

My prayer is that i continue to be opened up to prophetic teachings and let myself be used by Him to use these teachings in ministry to others. More importantly, i want to be lead by Him to minister to others. i need safety and nurturing to help this grow. i ask the Holy Spirit to come and reveal it's fiery passion in my heart so i can know the heart of God.

Where i am

2006-06-26T15:57:00.000-04:00

I don't think i'm hearing God's voice...

I know that i am wanting to do more in my church, but i also want to know that God is telling me to do it...

I am not making time for Him and His word. i am making time for other things that i'm not inspired to do... like drawing...

I really want to start leading in something, but I don feel like I'm in the right place...

Yesterday's service really touched me and i felt God's presence for the first time in a while...

I deeply care about people and that is why i am so harsh and negative sometimes...

Farewell, Paul

2006-06-20T12:26:00.000-04:00

I went to my second city, Detroit, this past weekend to have one last hurrah with my friend Swanger before he leaves to spend a year in Kansas City.

I call it my second city because we have made some new friends and got close to Swanger's parents while there.

This weekend, in particular, was special!!!

It was my intention to go up there and spend as much time with Aaron as possible, doing all of the things he needed to do to get ready to leave. Goodbyes and all. Aaron had made plans to see certain people all weekend, but even his plans changed and we ended up having an awesome time.

We arrived on Friday evening. We had to have Thai food at Aaron's favorite Thai restaurant. The dish is called N3 with tofu and chicken, carrots, and crushed peanuts served mildly spicy. I never had tofu or this dish, but anyway, I loved it. We then went to Swanger's friends' apartment where we worshipped and ministered to each other. We stayed up entirely too late, but it was good.

The next day, we got up and went to Dearborn. For those who don't know, Dearborn is the highest concentration of Muslims in the U.S. As we drove through Dearborn the whole environment changed. There was arabic writing on billboards and signs, and mosques placed here and there. We went to a place called Family Bakery where we ate chicken shwarma(excuse the mispelling), lentils and rice, spicy potatoes, and hummus. Exquisite food. We then went to another bakery where they sell middle Eastern pastries, but found they had nothing to sell on that day. They directed us to a place down the street called Shatila.

Shatila is a bakery known for it's pastries and ice cream. The interior was beautiful with marble and gold and brown and red colors. We decided to order. Some of us ordered pastries, others ordered ice cream. It was very good and we felt like full little piggies, so we went back to Swanger's parents house where we were staying.

Because Aaron's plans changed and we didn't feel like going with him, we stayed at the house and invitied our good friends the Donnelly's over. Scott and Cheryl arrived and we ordered pizza. We watched a little TV and migrated into the Dining Room. Dave was listening to Neal's(Aaron's dad) music collection. As we listened, I suggested that we have a soul train and just boogey our butts off to celebrate Swanger leaving. Well, what ensued was crazy because we didn't have a stitch of alcohol in us, yet we partied harder than ever. And made a funny video.

It is one of the most memorable times with Swanger and I cry everytime I think about it. I love that we could send him off with such a fun experience. The last experience for a while with all of us together. We made total jackasses of ourselves, but it was worth it.

The next day we went to Swanger's church and watched him lead worship for the last time with them. His whole worship team honored him by reading a scripture to him and praying over him. His pastor had prepared a slide show for him, but it was delayed for technical errors.

As the worship team prayed over Swanger, it made me cry and see him in a whole new light. I realized that Swanger was like Paul to me. He came and visited every so often and spoke truth to me. He has witnessed me in some dark times, seen me hurting, seen me happy, rebuked my negativity, and most of all shown me love. He is now headed for a new journey and I am happy and sad for this. I don't want him to be so far away for so long, yet I know I will see him again. I will hear from him and contact him. I will miss him. I will miss getting excited when I heard that he was coming down to see us. Now, he will be the one to get excited when he hears that we are coming to see him.

Farewell, Aaron. I love you and I will be praying for you. I can't wait to hear about this new adventure and hopefully get to share part of it with you. You are my brother!

The Others Strike Back

2006-05-25T10:38:00.000-04:00

It was a Star Wars moment last night during the finale of Lost, when Kate(Leia) and Jack(Han) exchange looks just before black hoods are lowered over their gagged faces.

I immediately saw a nod to the classic Star Wars cliffhanger at the end of Empire when Lando sells his soul to Vader and hands his friends into to certain death. Michael obviously fills Lando's role as the turncoat who takes his friends to the Others' trap, then regains his son and races toward freedom.

Meanwhile, the Other that was captured in the hatch has turned out to be a leader. Almost like Emporer Palpatine. He even says, "We're the good guys.", playing up his double agent role.

Sawyer(Luke) looks at Kate and Jack with disdain and uncertainty because he sees their loving looks and has his own feelings toward Kate. Hurley(Chewbacca) is set free to warn the survivors not to retaliate.

The hatch(Death Star) was "destroyed" as Desmond(Obi-Wan) turned the key and a brilliant light overcame the island with a deafening sound. Desmond was the hermit living in the hatch. Locke has seen plans and /or a schematic for other hatches just like the Death Star plans in Episode II.

I think when the new season begins, we'll see Michael return to save Doc, Kate, and Sawyer to redeem himself in a true Lando gets choked by Chewie(Hurley) moment.

Although, I don't think all of the main characters have an alter ego in the Star Wars universe, I do believe the writers are fans and have made their best effort to give props to one of the most influential movies of our time. What do you think?

King's Island

2006-05-08T14:45:00.000-04:00

I was asked to chaperone a middle school choir competition and trip to King's Island this past Saturday for my niece. The competition was boring and long, but our choir did pretty good. I also saw people from my old church that I haven't talked to in a long time.

We arrived at King's Island around 2:00PM. I had to buy my ticket and noticed a sign with prices. At first my eyes almost jumped out of my head. The ticket price was $50.00. Yep, you read that right. I asked the cashier if I could have a discount and she said, "I'll give you a discount." I, stupidly asked her what the discount was for and she said it was spring season, so the prices were cut in half. My ticket was $25.00. Much better than anticipated. We entered and ate lunch because we were starving. What a rip off!!!! $8 bucks for chicken tenders and fries and $3.50 for a water. Needless to say we ate only once.

I haven't been to an amusement park in about four years, so this was pretty fun. We went to Flight of Fear and had a blast. That was an unexpected thrill as the whole coaster is inside. I was upset though because my other niece was asked to step off the ride. She is over weight and they didn't even give her another chance to get back on by herself. She was very hurt, but handled it very well.

We then moved on to Vortex which is one of my all time favorites. This coaster only took 20 minutes to wait and was a fast ride. The girls rode it twice.

Then the girls wanted to get wet, so we went to White Water Canyon. My brother and I walked up to a lookout to watch everyone get soaked. Pretty funny, but too cold this day to have jeans stick to my legs. Yuck!

We moved on to the newer rides like Delirium and Drop Zone. I chickened out. I don't like the fact that only electro-magnets keep you from plumetting to your death. Delirium was just super insano and I totally wimped out. I played the watching game and laughed as my family screamed their heads off. We went to the Top Gun coaster because the girls wanted to ride Drop Zone again. We got inside the ride and found nobody there waiting to ride. We sat in the front seat and it was a fun, fast, and smooth ride. I loved it!! I guess I'm a coaster geek. The new thrill rides just aren't my bag. We asked to ride twice and they told us as long as no one was waiting for our seat. We had to move back one car, but immediately went again on the same coaster. The park closed and we left to eat some cheaper food around 8:00PM.

I must say, I love Cedar Point much better than King's Island. Largely due to the fact that they have more, better coasters. We still had a lot of fun. The rides are pretty good, but they had a lot of technical problems and Son of Beast was down.

And Cedar Point is closer to Michigan......

Please Pray for Me

2006-05-03T17:47:00.000-04:00

I have been feeling angry and hurt today and I need prayer.

Spiritually, I have been second guessing and I'm not sure if I am really experiencing God or if I am just moving in the flesh. I need reassurance!

I know I have been taking new ground and now is when I will be come against. Self-doubt and fear of not hearing God's voice weighs heavily on me.

Please pray!

It's About The Soul!: Part 07 of The Drummer's Almanac

2006-04-28T11:49:00.000-04:00

My good buddy Swanger came over last night and played some music for my wife and me. We had a really good time and great conversation.

I told him about going to a drum clinic and it was fun. He said, "You like technical drumming, don't you?" My response was, "I like subtlety better then technical." He said, "But everytime we talk about drumming, you talk about technical things." I didn't want him to be right, but it seems that is how I have come across to people.

This conversation made me think about my drumming and how I approach musical situations. I used to be into the technical side of music, but lately, I'm finding that I like music to be fluid and dynamic. I like ups and downs and a groove with a deep pocket. It also made me think about how people may perceive me as a player.

I think Swanger was right about how I used to look at drumming. I don't think I look at it that way anymore because I want to be able to let go in my worship and not focus so much on my playing. I like to be able to sing and play and experience worship. Because I only get to play music on the worship team, I sometimes get more technical because I like to push myself and give my best to the Lord. I just make sure that it doesn't step on my team's toes or make worship seem awkward.

I would rather my playing be about my soul than about my physical skills. I don't want to be known for having great technique, but for expressing myself freely to the Lord and fitting the musical situation.

Honored and Blessed

2006-04-11T08:22:00.000-04:00

Hello again.

I went to the hospital last week to visit my cousin who just had a baby. She and her husband were there having their celebration dinner, the hospital provides, when I showed up with some clothes for their newborn son.

They were happy to see me and right away sprung a question on me that excited and scared me at the same time. They asked me if I would do the honor of facilitating their wedding ceremony.

I am no ordained minister or pastor. I have no experience with this kind of thing, yet they asked me to do it. I don't see myself doing this or that others would either. (Low self-esteem issues)

They are already married, so I don't have to worry about legal issues. Yet, that doesn't help me not feel a little anxiety. What I also feel is peace about it which assures me that God is in it.

So, I said, "yes."

I am very honored and blessed that they thought of me to do this for them. They said they aren't affiliated with a church and don't know any pastors, so I was the next one in line. It just goes to show that you never know when people are watching you or what people are thinking about you.

So, I talked with my pastor about this and he asked me if they want God to bless their union. I need to talk with them and iron out the details. My pastor is going to help me format the ceremony which is very encouraging and my cousin said they want it nice and laid back.

What a blessing this will be!

Rudimentary: Part 00 of the Drummer's Almanac

2006-03-27T12:52:00.000-05:00

I put my sticks to skins this weekend with one thing in mind. To see if I still have it.

Have what? you ask.

Technique.

I haven't played acoustic drums with anyone in a long time and I feel like I may have lost my touch. Touch as in being able to play smoothly and delicately and aggressively. I want all of these tools in my box so I can pull them out at any given situation and fit right in. I want to know that I can slam like I used to and then ease back in the groove.

I started playing some rudiments just to feel it out; break off the rust. I was pretty smooth for not practicing. I went from a full tom roll assault to a nice buzz roll accenting with my crashes and splash cymbals. It felt good. I felt in control.

I reflected on this on Sunday as we were at church. The sermon was about identity and confidence in what Christ has instilled in us. This made me relate to my drumming technique.

I have practiced and played and have become good. I can fit into a lot of musical situations and I have a lot of tools at my disposal. I am confident that I can play well.

This has not been the case spiritually. I have a lot of tools at my disposal and yet I lack the confidence to use them. I don't think I can handle situations that may arise where I need to minister or support someone. I have also forgotten the tools that are in the box.

I am not trusting God to give me what I need, although, I have experienced his provision.

I reflected and knew that I needed to lift this up and get rid of these thoughts. I am spiritually sound. I don't have it all together, but I know that He is my deliverer. I can be confident in Him. I also know that I need to be putting myself out there and using those tools He has given me. I know through practice I will gain confidence in my abilities.

Healing For The Next Battle

2006-03-20T11:05:00.000-05:00

Ready for the fight? .....yeah....
I feel like my walk with God has been more of an uphill struggle with little footing. My legs are getting numb. A lot of the reason is that I don't believe in myself. My confidence is shorter than my stride. I've been continuously fighting myself because I let myself believe that I'm not good enough.

I'm getting tired of the fight!

I know God has shown me more than I can grasp, but I forget or lose faith. I let myself slip back to the same old places and let go of the new ground I just took. I don't plant my flag and raise the banner. I do keep striving and that has kept me in the game.

I've been here too many times and I know that I have let it happen. It makes me think I love to feel this way. I like to feel miserable and sorry for myself.

The good news is that I have heard from others that they see a leader in me. It's not that I need affirmation from them to make myself feel better, but I needed to hear someone elses perspective to know that it's there. God used them to let me hear it.

It helped me heal for the next battle.

"Take your flunky and dangle!"

2006-03-07T08:26:00.000-05:00

"...dangle!" What a great visual. Think about what that word implies and then put it in the context of an insult. Not an easy thing maybe, but it is interesting.

Our good friend Shawna came over yesterday and hung out with my family. We made it our movie night this week instead of the usual Sunday. This time we had a good time listening and dancing (well, Caden and I were, anyway) to Sade and other goodies on my iTunes.

Then we put the boys to bed and settled in the living room and watched one of the best mob movies out there. Not many people remember it, but it has some of the best dialogue ever!!! It was made by the Cohen brothers who brought us Raising Arizona, Fargo, Hudsucker Proxy, and O' Brother Where Art Thou. It is none other than Miller's Crossing.

The dialogue is definately original and catchy and the plot is deep with a twist. I don't know what it is about mob movies that just suck me in and hook me to the end. This one has everybody in it, too. Gabriel Byrne, Albert Finney, John Turturro, Steve Buscemi, and even a cameo from Sam Raimi.

The Cohen brothers have an eclectic body of work and, on occasion, tie their movies together with locations such as businesses or apartment complexes like the Barton Arms which is in Miller's Crossing and Barton Fink. Hudsucker Industries is where H.I. works in Raising Arizona and where Hudsucker Proxy is based. There are probably more ties than I have discovered, but they keep me coming back.

This is definately a reccomendation for my friends to watch this movie. I think you will enjoy. We did.

Spidey

2006-02-24T12:06:00.000-05:00

Oh my gosh!!!! Spoiler Alert!!!!!

I'm very excited about Spider-Man 3 movie being shot right now! A photo has been released showing Spidey in a black costume. You think your looking at a black and white photo, but it's not!

Although Venom is not scheduled to appear in this movie, we will see the beginnings of his character attaching to our wall crawling friend in symbiotic form. I read a synopsis for the movie and can't wait to see it.

We already know that Thomas Hayden Church will play Sandman, but the question that is burning on everyone's mind is "Who is Topher Grace going to be?". I have heard a rumor that he will play Electro, but with no confirmation. This rumor also suggests that we will see Jameson's son the astronaut, go to space and return with a foreign matter. That foreign matter will then attach itself to Spidey and he will be wearing black by the end of the movie.

I'm not a Venom fan, but I think if they do this right, it will make Spidey great. I would love to see Mysterio and/or Kraven the Hunter in the 4th movie.

I am geeking out!!!!!

Meet Podwick

2006-02-24T11:05:00.000-05:00

Podwick is my good best friend.

He has all of my music in him from Rush to K-Max and everything in between. I am anxious to hook him up to my car so I don't have to carry CD's anymore.

I have one gripe, though. I can't hook him up to other iPods. I know, it's a copy protection thing, but it still doesn't make it fun.

I am looking forward to adding more music to my little podawan because I haven't used all of his space yet. I have a long list I want to add because it will make my joy complete.

Cirque du Soleil

2006-02-22T16:40:00.000-05:00

Can someone please tell me what the heck the story was about?

This show had the best visuals I've ever seen. Pink Floyd has nothing on them. But, I have no idea what the story was about.

A guy was floating from a balloon over everyone he encountered on some weird journey across the world. A dark character was walking on stilts following him. Why? The vocalists were amazing, but I could understand not one line of lyrics. What I did understand was empty and cliched like, "distant shores" and "dreams". The musicians were solid and sounded great and even got to fly around the stage a little bit. I was really amazed at the acrobats because they did things nobody should be able to do.

They drew a curtain across the stage and projected visuals across it to make it really interactive. It was a beautiful show, but I don't know if it was worth the eighty dollars I spent to go see it. I wanted a little more depth from the story. The upside is that my wife and I enjoyed ourselves and saw a Cirque show. We have been waiting for years to able to see one.

Affirmation

2006-02-02T16:05:00.000-05:00

He has placed you on my heart!

I am praying for you.

He will never let you go.

You have what it takes.

You are His favorite!!!!!!!!

He wants you more than anything.

He is speaking to you right now.

You are loved!

Perfect love casts out all fear!

You are who He says you are!!! Not who everybody else thinks you are.

There is nothing you have to offer Him.

Just call His name and say, "YES!!!"

Hinds Feet

2006-01-29T18:08:00.000-05:00

I kept hearing the word "expect" last week as I thought about going to "Desperate". For those of you who don't know, Desperate is a time of refreshing and renewal in the Lord as molds are broken and tradition is not the norm. Sometimes there is music and sometimes there is just prayer. It changes as the spirit moves and I want to thank our Associate Pastor for discerning where the service would go. He just let the Lord move and it was amazing.

God met us and took us to a time of blessing, admonishment, release, and equipping.

I was taken to a few new places I have never experienced before, such as getting a vision. Recently, I was struggling with being quiet before God and learning to discern his voice. As we sat quietly, I was able to see a vision and as others started to share about their prayers or scripture or other visions, my heart started to beat out of my chest. I then shared my vision and it was a blessing to someone.

Later, Aaron, Kelly, Shawna, and I were praying with someone and Aaron said, "Seal it! You're a sealer." I was dumbfounded at first and had to ask for direction as I had never prayed to seal what was being prayed. Aaron and Kelly helped me and I was having trouble speaking. I started to ask God for help and the prayer just started to flow out of me. It was a great experience.

On Sunday, I had a feeling I was going to pray with someone at the end of the service. I knew from the time the person walked in the sanctuary. I waited, though, and second guessed because I am still learning, but finally went up front and prayed with them.

God really met me this weekend. He took me to new places and I followed Him. He gave me Hinds feet.

The One True King!

2006-01-17T10:52:00.000-05:00

I haven't blogged lately because I haven't felt like I needed to. I didn't have peace about writing anyting and everything that's happened since New Years Eve. So I have just been sitting on things and waiting.

Well, one thing I want to share is this:

The Lord is my shepard.

He gently calls me back to the flock when I have escaped among the cliffs and can't find my way back. He celebrates when I return because it makes Him happy that I was found.

Read Mathew 18:10-14 The parable of the lost sheep.

I also want to share that I love my family. I long for them to know the one true king!

I saw "The Chronicles of Narnia" on Friday and wept through most of the film. Mostly because the creatures of narnia worshipped and bowed for Aslan the lion. He is the one true king of Narnia and everyone knows it. Including the witch.

When Edmund is brought back to Aslan's camp, Aslan tells everyone that nobody needs to talk with him about the past. The past no longer matters. Edmund is forgiven. He is so forgiven that Aslan takes his place to be killed by the witch.

No other king would do this for his people!

The sacrifice is incomplete without the resurrection. Aslan returns to life to devour the witch and thus defeats death and breathes life into those who were perishing.

Jesus is, was, and always will be the One True King!

On Friday, I sat in the car, waiting on residents to fill out applications. I was reading Mathew 18:10-14 and it really hit me hard. It was a simple truth that wasn't so simple to get. Later, I watched Narnia and my joy was complete.

My nieces asked me why I would admit to crying during the movie. My friends told them because it was something a man is able to do. I told them because it was so powerful to see Jesus and everyone bowing to Him. I don't care if they saw it as weakness to cry. I think the weakness needed to be shown, so they know the depth of what Jesus has to offer. He is not someone they have just heard about or seen in movies. He is their King. And righlty so, because He loves them and died for them.

One For The Record Books

2006-01-03T12:27:00.000-05:00

My wife and I purchased a dishwasher last week with some Christmas money.

I started to hook it up and ran into a few problems like everyone does. I didn't have a connector hose or a clamp for the drain, so I took off to the store on Monday morning.

I got home in record time and finished the job, or so I thought. I had connected the electric, but the wires were in a bad position because they wrapped around the leg of the dishwasher. This wouldn't let me pull the dishwasher out to service it.

So I reconnected the electric and was trying to get the ground wire back on the green screw when I sliced my little finger on my right hand. I then used the same hand to support my weight as I tried to screw down the wire.

My hand slipped in something, so I looked. It was blood.

At first I thought my son had cut himself, but then realized I was cut on my finger.

I told my wife and she came over and doctored me up. She then moved me to a chair and she continued to put a band-aid on my finger. At this time the thought of the blood got to my head and I started getting this big empty feeling in my throat down to my stomach.

She said, "Get down on the floor and put your head between your knees." I didn't listen, of course. I started moving my head forward to put between my knees. Meanwhile, my wife was cleaning up the blood on the floor.

The next thing I remember was my wife saying my name and telling me I had passed out and hit my head on the floor. She said I moved my head down and I just fell to the floor like dead weight. My body hit the floor prostrate and the fell flat to the floor. It scared my son and he came running to see what happened. He was also yelling my name and trying to get me to wake up. My wife said I was out for 30 seconds.

I was not feeling right the rest of the day. It was definitely one for the record books. I have never passed out before this episode. I usually black out. My ears ring and then things get spotty and I black out with some hearing still intact. This time I don't remember losing consciousness.

If you saw the cut on my finger, you would know that this was a minor cut. Nothing more than a flesh wound. It's not like I lost a limb. Even though my head would disagree.

Innovation or Two Left Feet: Part 10 of The Drummer's Almanac

2005-12-27T13:03:00.000-05:00

Let the onslaught begin!!!

I finally added a double-kick pedal to my kit. It was something I was reluctant to buy at first because I wanted to make sure I didn't get too big for my britches.

To master single-kick is something to accomplish all on it's own, but I feel that I have a full toolbox with one foot beating. I can double stroke with ease and I was getting myslef into a rut. So, what do you do when you get into a rut, you innovate.

To do this I needed to expand and push myself. To go back to my glory days as a metal head when I owned two bass drums and had a helmet/mullet hairstyle. When the double bass phenomenon was being pushed by the likes of Metallica on "One" and Slayer on everything they did.

Later, my style changed from metal to jazz and then to worship music. I started getting inspired by the likes of Earthsuit and Neil Peart's fresh take on the use of a double kick pedal. They used the double bass as a compliment to the song, not just to see how fast they could play or to just thrash out because it sounded cool. It was a tool to implement when the song facilitated the room for it.

I added my new pedal to my kit on Christmas Day. It was so gratifying and empowering to have such an arsenal at my feet. I kicked out Rush's "One Little Victory" with moderate trouble, but overcame the timing concerns and smoothed it out.

The only concern with the addition is that it pushes my Hi-hat pedal to the left and I now have to switch between the hi-hat and the kick pedal with my weakest foot. I actually have two left feet placements on my kit and it will take a while to get comfortable.

I can't wait to incorporate a twist of metal and jazz into some worship music.

Everything You Desire

2005-12-23T10:15:00.000-05:00

I know it seemed like I hate Atheists in my last rant, but really that is just not the truth.

I feel the need to say that I just don't agree with their beliefs. I don't agree that life is over when we die. I don't agree that life is an accident.

This doesn't mean that I'm intolerant or that I'm insensitive because I'm not open minded enough to accept their beliefs. It just means that I don't agree.

I want them to see that there is hope and that life extends beyond their physical viewpoint of existence. I want them to know that God's love is greater than anything they have known or will ever know in this life. I want them to know that they don't have to throw away God because someone forced them to be religious or didn't live up to the standards they set.

I also don't want to force this view on them. Like God, I want them to experience the true God. The God of grace and love. He is too big to just look at on paper or hear about. You must experience His touch to know that He is everything you desire.

Atheist Christmas Music

2005-12-22T09:35:00.000-05:00

Whut!?! Shut yo mouph foo !!! Gooolaay!

Our friend Christy came over to our house to show off her new engagement ring. She started talking about how Christmas at the daycare was being portrayed to the kids and that only one parent objected to the story of the candy cane being handed out to the kids.

One of her co-workers at the day care is an atheist. This is only an issue because this woman is very adamant about her faith or lack there of. The daycare was listening to traditional Christmas music when this woman told our friend Christy that she wanted to listen to her Atheist Christmas Music.

Whut!?!

That so sounds like an SNL skit if I ever heard one. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

I just have to ask what the holiday is about if not about any Gods. Kwanza, Channukah, and Christmas all involve a God.

What are her holidays about?

I was watching a show with Bawbwa Waltews called "Is there A Heaven?" She went all over the world getting interviews with the likes of the Dali Lama and other religious leaders. All of them told her she was not living the right lifestyle and she was going to hell because she didn't believe what they believed. Kind of funny.

She spoke to the leader of the Atheists about life after death. The woman was condemming anything to do with the subject. Barbera asked her how she feels about it all ending after life is over. The woman said, "I'm not happy about it, but I accept that life is over when we die." It was sad! She also said she had to make her life as great as it could be while she was here.

I ask, Why???!!!??? If it doesn't matter in the end, why try? Nobody will measure it in the end. You will be forgotten among men.

She then said, "If you say there is a Heaven, then you must prove it.

Faith was not an option.

Faith was left up to scientific fact that some people are prone to being more faithful than others because of their genetic structure.

So much for mustard seed faith.

I guess I might as well give up growing my faith because my genes can only handle so much. God must only be close to those who have bigger faith genes than others. This explains why I don't feel close to God sometimes.

Well, I guess I'll just put in my Atheist Christmas Music and drive on down the road to the end of my life with no hope and nothing to gain, but death.

Merry Chri..........

Happy Holidays!!!!!!!!! Hope your life sucks too!

We're A Family Now!

2005-12-19T12:55:00.000-05:00

My wife and I trekked out into the abyss of Christmas shopping this weekend. We were trying to finish up the few people left on our list and my oldest son fell asleep. So, we got some Wendy's and ate lunch.

Then, we drove around so he would get to sleep for a while as we had more shopping to do. As we drove, we came to some car dealerships and we decided to just window shop.

Yeah, right!!!!

So we bought a van!!!! we had the salesman run some numbers and Casey said she heard God say it was alright to buy it and we did. They knocked off a couple thousand dollars and gave us a good deal.

We've been looking because my wife babysits a girl and we need the carseat space. We made the decision to go with a van and it hurt at first, but it feels good, now. There was a couple who were buying a SUV and they talked with us about buying a van. They said they haven't been able to make the jump to a van because it wasn't hip for them. We laughed because everything is about function for us right now.

We finally have our very own family truckster. "We're a family, now!!!", as Kelly said.

Take Me For Longing

2005-12-13T13:26:00.000-05:00

"Take me for longing or leave me behind" is the lyric of an Alison Krauss & Union Station song from the song by the same name.

It is truly how I felt yesterday upon hearing the news that I was not selected for a training opportunity to become a Global Career Counselor. The facilitators requested a resume and a letter of intent to be selected.

"Don't choose me because I am faithful, don't choose me because I am kind."

I received a letter in my mailbox that said I was not selected due to the number of applicants and my lack of eduation. This doesn't make much sense to me because if I had the education I wouldn't need the training, but what do I know?!?

"If your heart settles on me, I'm for the takin"

I would have loved to get this opportunity because it would have solidified my position at West Central. I am looking to be promoted in a couple of years to a coordinator position and because I lack education, his would have beefed up the ole resume.

I want to say they missed a great opportunity to have me. I also want to say they can have their stupid training, but I really wanted it.

I am longing and upset, but, unfortunately, they are not.

They left me behind.

Dashboard Confessional

2005-12-08T09:14:00.000-05:00

A car was coming over the hill as I pulled out and tried to get to speed limit before they got too close. I was too slow because he started riding my bumper and I couldn't see his headlights. This infuriated me and I tappped the brakes. He backed off for a moment and then sped up on my bumper again as he passed me. He then just passed me and went on his way.

As he passed me, I gestured, "bring it on", like some stupid oaf that don't know any better.

After he gets about a quarter mile down the road, conviction set in and I found myself thanking him. The guy just passed me. He didn't really do anything, but make me nervous when he got too close.

I thanked him for not responding to me, which let me know how ridiculous I was being. I also prayed that the Lord would bless him. I don't like to hate on people, but I find myself getting frustrated in the car a lot!

Lord, help me to extend grace to others as I wish they would extend to me. Thank You for giving me awareness of this problem and showing me Your grace.

Identity In Christ

2005-12-05T08:34:00.000-05:00

I saw one of my friends walking out of Krogers, so I said hello. He said he had been thinking of me and was going to call me to give drum lessons to his daughter. I had to explain that I'm not able to do that right now, but maybe sometime later. His daughter walked away and we talked about how he was doing. Awesome, by the way! He is going to a Vineyard in Columbus and is growing tremendously.

He then said, I haven't forgot what you said when we ate at Arby's that day." I told him I forgot, so he needs to remind me. He then said, "My identity is in Christ and not anyone else. I am an overcomer! Not a victim!"

At first, I thought, "Wow, that came from me?!?" Then I realized God was telling me that I will never know when he is using me to witness. I had only lived through that experience and shared it with my friend. The glory goes to Him and he has not forgot me. I had no idea that would affect my friend, but it did. Praise God!

Just when I thought I was not being very effective, I hear something that makes me get on my knees. It also reminded me that I am an overcomer, also. I am not condemned even though I sometimes feel like it. I am not useless, even though I sometimes think I am. I am not what I always think I am. A weird concept, but true. I am who God thinks I am.

Aaron, this is also a shout out to you. You told it to me first and I am continually living it out. Praise the Lord!!!!!!!

Leaning Into FUN!

2005-11-30T15:53:00.001-05:00

My department was invited to an open house of a hangar at the City of Delaware on Thursday. It was built by an employer with whom we have a relationship. This employer hired some of our residents to help build the hangar. It's quite big and houses about seven small planes and one helicopter. The investors in the project are wealthy and happened to have three Segways parked between two planes. The Segways were being taken for a spin and one even had a golf bag attached to it. I had the opportunity to ride one.

My director also took a ride. Or a stroll. Which ever is most appropriate. It was amazing. I, of course want one, but I know the cost too much.

It was very sensitive to my balance and would move according to which way I was leaning. If you were to step off of the platform, it would roll about ten feet and fall over. The platform is balanced by some type of countering mechanism which allows it to stay upright on only two wheels. It was fast and more personal than a bicycle because it moved to your body motion. It also had a handle on the left that you rotate according to which direction you want to turn which gives you great control.

Although, I couldn't justify buying one, I do understand why those guys have these toys.

They are FUN. I can see why they are the rage in Japan.

The Family Truckster

2005-11-28T12:33:00.000-05:00

On Saturday six Ohioans and one Michigani went up to Detroit in the Snook Family Truckster. We gluttoned ourselves on Bob Evans and Bennigans(great meatloaf) and had an awesome time. We even walked out of a movie that was nothing short of filth.(Ice Harvest - Don't see it!!!)

Also, We went to the mall at Royal Oaks and looked at things far too expensive, and gave each other massages at Brookstone. My wife and I also just had a great time going out as ourselves.

We had a good long talk on the way home after dropping our native off in his homeland about our experiences in our church. Most of us go to the same church, yet our experiences were very different. My wife and I got to see a different perspective and also understand how some things worked.

This was also good because it confirmed that we need to press on and keep learning how to work with the people we go to church, because that is what makes relationship. I also looked at how I don't find it easy to work out my issues with people. Instead of coming to them in truth and love, my wife and I usually "duck and run" from the problem. This has alienated us from being a core family in the church.

I went up front for Ministry on Sunday to receive prayer for this issue.

I replaced Dave as the driver on the way home because he was getting tired. He drove us around all day long and was feeling the pain of trying to stay alert. Later, he woke up with a gasp, thinking he was still driving. His chest was pounding and he was breathing heavy. We all felt so bad for him because we know how it feels. Thank You, God, everything was OK.

Thank You also for getting to talk with our friends. It's been a while since we had a good(God) talk. Thank You for Kelly, who is always understanding and willing to help. Thank You for everyone that went to Detroit with us. I commented to my wife how everybody was a part of things and everybody had a good time. It was very much needed for us. We need to feel like we belong.

I really missed going on trips in the Family Truckster.

A Stirring Romance

2005-11-22T09:29:00.000-05:00

Today I have had revelation!

It's nothing shocking or new. It just makes sense.

Right now!

It's a little hard to explain, but I have been striving for things and trying to fill the void in my heart with things that are fleeting. This is why I am never satisfied.

"Everything is vanity!"

How true! I have an amazing life right now that is not being appreciated because I don't think it's quite where I want it. I'm not this....... or I haven't done that....... or God hasn't called me to this....... Who cares!!!! God doesn't want any of that bull for me. My revelation was this...

God wants me to follow Him. Pursue Him. Strive for Him. Be more like Him.

Why is this a revelation? Because I can now lay down those things that I have been wasting time on and spend more time on Him. What if I pray instead of trying to draw? What if I read the Bible instead of trying to write lyrics? What if my family actually sat down and read the Bible together?

My wife and I were talking last night about doing Advent this year. It will be the first time we attempted this, so I'm excited. We are also having worship at our house this weekend. It's time for me to take spiritual leadership of my family and make the time for us to learn and grow in Him.

The Lord is wooing my heart!

I'm in pursuit!!!

Weekend Fun

2005-11-21T12:20:00.000-05:00

Saturday, we got together with our home group to watch the Ohio State vs. Michigan game. We ate a Thanksgiving dinner and it was great! The kids made cookies and the parents ate a lot.

Later, we went to the Columbus Zoo. They were open late for their Christmas lights. Caden loved the lights so much he didn't want to leave. He was walking up to every display and trying to take the lights apart. We joked about Caden pulling out a bulb and making the whole place shut down. How funny would that be? Any, we had a great time. We drank hot chocolate and strolled through the zoo. It was peaceful and relaxing. And it was free!!!

Sunday was awesome. The worship set was strong and refreshing. The message was just what I needed to hear. It was about disagreements and letting grumblings or murmurs take hold of you to the point that you lose joy. If you read my blog two entries ago, I was saying I needed help with losing my joy. In short, the service was a blessing.

I received a lot of compliments for singing "Holy Heart" by Charlie Hall, which made me feel weird. I didn't know what to say to some people because I don't think it was me. I give the Lord all credit. He touched the congregation with that song. I was wanting to throw up my hands and deflect the compliments because it seemed out of place to me. I praise God that He reached them through the song. It made me tremble as I sang it. I put my arm up in praise to Him and my hand started shaking uncontrollably and I almost felt like I was going to pass out. The service was draining, but peacefully satisfying and I give Him all the glory!

Superman Vs. Spider-Man

2005-11-18T12:22:00.000-05:00

I am a Superman fan!!! I love everything.... er well....not everything, but I do love most things about his mythos. I am very excited about the new movie coming out and the official trailer is now up for our viewing pleasure. Click here to see it!

I had an interesting argument with a friend about how Superman is not realistic and does not relate to humanity because he can't be beaten and is too powerful. He argued that Spider-Man was his favorite because he is the everyman superhero.

I argued, because it's fun, that although Spider-Man is the average guy getting superpowers and down on his luck, Superman is who every superhero is measured. He is the be-all, end-all in the comic world!

This is not to say he doesn't have weakness. He is the weakest when it comes to matters of the heart and this is his connection to humanity. He loves deeply and fights to save a world that desperately needs love. He has integrity and is not deterred by political agenda nor does he obscure the lines of justice. He is moved by humanity and connects to them with love and faithfulness. He is always there when you need him.

I could also go into how he parallels Jesus, but that would take too long. I just love how you can take the most powerful character and make him vulnerable by having him love and receive love.
We have become so used to our heroes being vulnerable and giving in to their weakness, that when we see someone with integrity, we don't think they are realistic. It's refreshing to watch the first two Superman movies just to see how pure Clark Kent is and how Superman is immovable in his spirit.
I still love spider-Man, don't get me wrong.

I just wanna see more Superman!!!!

Reclaiming My Joy

2005-11-15T12:10:00.000-05:00

Today, I pray for joy!

Joy for you, joy for me!

Today we take back stolen ground!

This is a call out to all my friends to pray for me. I have been letting my everyday joy get stolen away and I have been allowing frustration and dissatisfaction to rule my life. They have become part of my language to the point that I don't realize I have unleashed them on my friends.

I felt this when I was talking with Swanger at Famous Dave's. We were talking about our churches and how it's been hard to make relationships and nothing has been easy. He said, "It sounds like I'm not satisfied." I think I have been. I have been pushing myself to rotate my perspective. Now I look at things a little differently. I love my church. I just need to keep building relationships.

One thing I've learned recently is that you have to maintain relationships. You can't expect them to stay strong when they lie stagnant. Mike Bickle says, "You must take new ground or you will lose the ground you already have taken." This is becoming more true the more I chew on it. I know that I need to contribute and not withdraw from everything that makes me unhappy. I need to engage and work on loving and being loved. We have to keep pushing forward if we ever want to increasingly become like Jesus. It is so easy to throw in the chips and walk away. I've done this many times.

Pray that my joy will increase. Pray that I will catch myself when I give power to negativity. Call me out when you hear me spewing venom my mouth.

I apologize for that.

Brought To You By the Letter "D" (Detroit, Donatos, Donnelly, Dave's, Dog, Donovan, Djembe, Discs, Dill

2005-11-14T10:13:00.000-05:00

I have to start off by saying I had a great weekend! A@ron, Scott, Kelly, Dave, Shawna, Donovan, and Ruchita came to our house for some worship, fun, food, and laughs. Aaron led us on guitar, Donovan on bass, and I played my djembe. Kelly, Shawna, Ruchita, and Casey played various percussion and we were off to harp and bowl land.

We played some traditional modern worship and then moved into the Misty Edwards song, "Worthy Is The Lamb". This song was deep and moving. Everyone closed their eyes and we just started singing whatever was on our hearts. Scott even jumped in and sang even though he didn't know us very well. Awesome!

After a couple of hours, Aaron broke a string on his guitar. So, we ordered Donatos and watched Courage the Insult Comedy Dog. If you haven't seen the Star Wars sketch, you have missed out.

Finally everyone was tired and started falling asleep. The party was over at my house. Upon saying goodbye to everyone, Aaron said he wanted to stay longer. I offered to take him home on Saturday evening. Scott was overjoyed and left for Detroit around 10am without much sleep.

We left around 6:30pm on Saturday, after watching Alien with Kelly's son Eric(first timer). We made it Scott's house around 9:30PM and talked with him. He gave me Mike Bickle's series on getting to know the Holy Spirit (6 CDs) and a case to go with them. Thank You Scott. This is going to be a new study for my wife and I on Monday nights. Scott and Aaron introduced me to a guy named Todd Bentley who made some CDs of his teachings. His message was good, but I couldn't get over phrases like: "Marinate me"; "Pickle me"; "I want to go in a cucumber and come out a dill". We enjoyed a good laugh.

After a nice visit with Scott, his wife, and his dog Bailey, Aaron and I went to His parents' house. We stayed up and talked about music with his dad, Neil. I love Aaron's parents. They make their home yours and they are always interested in talking with you. It's very comforting.

The next morning we got up and went to Aaron's church and listened to the Worship Team practice for the service. We prayed with a few people for the service and talked with some of Aaron's friends. The service was good. The worship was strong. I liked it a lot and praised God. I also was able to talk with Rich who plays drums on the team. He is a good drummer and is going through some of the frustration I've had to go through playing electronic drums. He also told me about his family and his wife's devotion to her Jewish culture. I think it's the most we have talked and I loved it. Rich is a very cool guy.

Aaron and I then went to his Worship Team's long practice and ate pizza. So the morning was filled with praise and worship. It was a good time.

Aaron wanted to take me to his favorite Thai restaurant, but it was closed until 4pm. So walked around downtown Plymouth. If you can imagine the town in "Back To The Future", you have just seen Plymouth. It is kind of artsy and cultural. We then walked back to the car and left. The real eating began when we got to Famous Dave's. It's the best Barbeque ever. I brought some wings back for Casey.

I departed for Ohio after a hearty meal and made it home by 6:45pm. I had some great new CDs to listen to. I really enjoyed just having good conversation with a dear friend and meeting new people. Thanks Aaron for making me feel at home and comfortable. I will be back. Love ya bro.

Sharing The Love

2005-11-07T12:05:00.000-05:00

I feel I need to share this. You know?
The first Sunday morning worship service was very strong. Our Pastor talked about profit and loss in the spiritual realm. Paul talks about it in Phillipians 3. Everything is a loss when compared to Jesus. Jesus is our gain and our righteousness is measured by Him.

I want to preface this by saying I am still trying to get a grip on this because I am trying not to be religious myself. I sometimes find myself putting on a gameface, but not being into the game. I want and need more intimacy with Jesus. This is why I am sharing.

Our Pastor talked about how some believe being a good person is enough. Enough to get them to heaven, enough to save them. No other committment or action has to be taken. They might say the occasional prayer when they want something or when things get bad enough.

Jesus calls us to more. He wants us to believe in Him, trust in Him, love Him, praise Him, worship Him, talk to Him, cry to Him, hide in Him, etc... There's a sermon in each of those, but the point is, He wants more from us than selfishness and small faith.

He wants us to share Him.

During ministry time our Pastor said he felt a nudge from the Lord, telling him that He wants His church to be more bold. To step out in boldness and proclaim Jesus with others. There are people in our lives who, not by accident, we are making relationships. They need to hear the truth.

The truth is this: We can't do this thing called "life" on our own. Jesus wants to be our partner in the journey. He wants to build us a house in Heaven. He wants us to know His love for us and to share it with others. Not to recruit or assimilate you. It's just that when you get good love you want people you love to get it too.

Come get some!!!!!!!

Falling Forward

2005-11-04T12:49:00.000-05:00

Instead of falling back, I have been falling forward. Not the way to stay on top of things, but every since we changed the clocks, things are very slow and different.

The days seem longer even though the sunlight is shorter and my body has been hit hard. I would wake up around 6:30am and be ready for bed by 9:00pm. I actually fell asleep in my sons room whle putting him to bed two days in a row. I put him to bed at 9:30pm and woke up on the floor at 3:00am.

I was off from work three days due to some kind of cold. Which I am slowly (and surely)getting over. This was a good thing because I had the chance to spend some time with my family. They were happy I was home and we had fun.

We even had the chance to shop for Christmas. This was a great feeling because we haven't had the money to spend on Christmas the last couple of years. I found some cool shades that I had to admit looked really good on me. They were 24 dollars so I couldn't justify the purchase.

I wanted to buy some stogies to have when A@ron and Scott show up next week. It would be a cool send off for their trip back home. So I hope to have them ready by that time. My heart and prayers are with them as they make their way back across the U.S.

I have to get those sunglasses!!!!!

Anyway, things are slowly getting back to normal as my body adjusts to the time change. The cool thing is, I only had to work 2 days this week. Now it's Friday and the weekend is here again. Hooray for sick days.

Resonate

2005-10-31T11:41:00.000-05:00

I could feel the Lord resonate in some of the conversations I had this weekend. It was a dark, disappointing, socially driven, and exhausting weekend. Everything I was looking forward to was not what I anticipated. I usually enjoy Halloween weekend because of the wiener roasts and bon fires, but this weekend was different.

I made connections where I didn't think I would, which was a good thing because God met me there and empowered me.

On the other hand there were times when I felt like I didn't belong and I needed to take myself out of the situation. I also felt as though I was being shut out. Not a good feeling, but I can move on and continue to pray.

All I can say is, I'm glad this weekend is over.

Trick or treat is tonight. We are taking my oldest son, who is dressing as Elmo, out to get treats. It will be fun to see all of the kids dressed up. This year won't be as cold as usual and my wife isn't pregnant.

Engage

2005-10-27T07:45:00.000-05:00

My boss and I had the opportunity to tour and present the employment aspect of rehabilitation at the Mohican Juvenile Correctional Facility, yesterday. It was amazing. I have been to other correctional facilities and this was not much different. Imagine teenage boys in standard blues and walking in single file lines to their next class, or meals.

What was different was that they are a Therapeutic Community(T.C. for short), which is the environment I work in. It was difficult to see T.C. at work, though. The kids were not paying attention because their is no positive peer pressure. The staff were complaining that they don't get compliance due to this important piece of the structure missing.

In most T.C.'s the structure and language is similar. But, because these were kids, the structure had to be different due to The Ohio Department of Rehabilitation and Corrections making different rules for them.

In my environment, our men can be placed in a hierarchy position or supervisory position over other men. This helps with getting tasks completed like cleaning the facility. The juveniles have to be supervised by staff only.

As we presented to the kids we knew we had to get them to interact with us or we would lose them. They are preached to everyday about how immature they are, how they need to be quiet, or don't do this, don't do that, which just makes them tune it out. Once we engaged them, they were receptive. One boy came up to s and said he learned more in that hour than he has learned in several months at the facility. This is not to cut on the facility. We were there to show the kids how to make their experience more positive and how they can get a job and keep a job when they are released. Our plan worked and staff want us back to have a workshop or employment day with the kids.

What is all of this about?

The hope that has been lost on these kids really made me want to connect to them. It made me sad to see so many kids putting faith into the street. It also made me appreciate my job and where I work. It made me want to engage.

Dedication

2005-10-24T11:05:00.000-05:00

We dedicated my son Ethan on Sunday. It was very emotional as we pronounced our committment to raising him up with God's lead. Several friends and family gathered around us. It really let us know they support us. I was happy to see my family at church. It was something I've wanted for a long time and it finally happened. God is faithful!

Promised Land

2005-10-21T11:43:00.000-05:00

Home group was interesting last night. We have been trying to make home group a priority every week and so far has worked out nicely.

We read the end of Exodus where Moses is approving the Ephod and the contents of the Tent of Meeting. The detail they crafted into each piece is amazing and a symbol of their devotion to God and His craftsmanship in creating us. It also symbolized how His folowers would be coming together and worshipping Him until eternity as they set forth to the promised land.

We have been practicing being quiet before the Lord and discerning His voice or direction. One woman shared what God had shared with her in that time. She said she saw people using their gifts and being bold and they weren't in Heaven, but on Earth. Another woman shared that she saw a picture of something stretching out like a hand in a balloon. She said it looked like a baby in womb pushing on the walls of the placenta. I was having trouble clearing my mind, but each of those visions made perfect sense to me.

When I looked at the big picture I could see all of us pushing into new things with God. From our new home group to our time in ministry to recognizing new giftings in each of us. Then, looking at Moses and the tribes of Israel, it was clear that they were also moving into new rituals and a new relationship with the Lord. Aaron was going to be given the first Ephod and his sons would be named priests. Moses was the judge and false Gods were crumbling. God was inviting them to move with faith in Him.

It was exciting to see the group move to new territory and step in faith.

Praise Your name, Lord.

Anatomy: Part 5 of The Drummer's Almanac

2005-10-18T13:17:00.000-05:00

I'm very excited to announce Neil Peart is releasing a new DVD titled "Anatomy of Drum Solo". It's at the top of my Christmas wish list.

What makes a good solo? Who knows, who cares.

Solo's are not my thing. Never have been. Probably never will be. It is the boon of my drumming existence when someone calls for me to give a drum solo. Neil Peart, I am not.

Foreshadowing, language, inflections in your voice, crescendo, climax, denoument, variations on a theme. That is the anatomy to which I structure my songs, grooves, and fills. I run down the toms to make a statement and run up the toms to ask a question. It makes a more interesting part when you use literary terms to define your approach to music. It breaks the mundane and fulfills my passion to create because I know I put more into it than just four beats per measure.

Against the run of the mill, Swimming against the stream - Neil Peart

For another good solo check out Chad Rager (my jazz teacher) and his big band.

The Lord Doesn't Forget!

2005-10-17T10:53:00.000-05:00

The Lord is doing some amazing things. After making my proclamation, a few things happened that blew my mind. Thursday night group went very well and we had a new couple come. The husband was seeking the lord's voice and needed prayer. He and his wife left before we were able to pray with them. So we kept them in our prayers throughout the week.

Fast forward to Sunday:

Our pastor preached about being a servant and what choices we have to make when we truly serve Him. During ministry time I knew I had to go up front and pray with someone. I left my drumset and prayed with two people that I didn't know. We then hugged afterward and it was great. I knew I was going up front before the sermon was over. The Lord was calling me to serve. I also didn't go up to someone that I knew because it was too easy. I needed to walk in faith and break my mold.

During the service a woman walked in that I recognized. She was the mother of a boy who came to youth group at my previous church. She was late, which is why I noticed her. After the service I walked up to my friend Kelly who led our youth group. I asked her if that was the same woman whose son came. Kelly stated that she had been working out with this woman everyday. She then realized who she was and we talked with her. It was the same woman and her son is now living in Utah. Kelly asked me if I remember her son praying for her in youth group. She said, "The Lord doesn't forget!" I got chills and then Kelly started crying. It was awesome!!!!!!!! I saw her last week at the mall and she was on my mind the rest of the week until Sunday. (I will share more of this story later)

The end of the second service saw the couple that came to small group go up front to receive prayer. He knew the Lord was calling him and he knelt down on his knees. His prayers were answered.

It was a very satisfying service and one that had impact. It's amazing to see the Lord work and move people closer to Him.

Proclamation

2005-10-13T15:19:00.000-05:00

Carry each other's burdens. A heavy cross to bear. It's something I must proclaim.
So I will... I am an intercessor. I have heard this a few times, but I didn't take it seriously.

I lay down my pride and false humbleness and proclaim this truth today, Lord.
The burdens I carry, I lift to You
Even when my mind tells me, "no"
I press into you now as a son of God
And I ask the Holy Spirit to minister in Jesus' name
I proclaim today that I am an intercessor
You give me life
Amen

Laying It down

2005-10-11T15:13:00.000-05:00

Have you ever just felt restless and you don't know why? This feeling is very common for me. It usually comes at a time when everyone is asleep and I'm "alone" with myself to create, draw, and overthink song ideas. If I don't act quickly, I tend to think I'm wasting time and I need to get these thoughts out on paper because I might get somewhere with them.

Crazy, I know.

Well, this week tested me again in this area and as the restless feeling overwhelmed me, with grief and worry about not making the most out of my time, I sat my butt on the couch and resisted the anxiety. What it ultimately let me do was be OK with not doing anything.

I let go.

"Simplify my life by letting go" is a lyric by Charlie Hall. It is the truth. I layed down my art and my swirling thoughts of nothingness to let my life simplify. A spirit of being driven and never letting myself stop was layed to rest.

I also let my art go by realizing it is a hobby and not my life. My identity is not in what I create, but who I am created to be.

I've made myself create when I should relax, but I haven't just sat down and let things go in a long time. I was so nervous I kept complaining to my wife that I was uncomfortable and I felt like I needed to do something. It was a horrible feeling, but now that I'm on the other side, it's freeing.

Learning to yield.

This week has been about growth and learning new things. It is also about God's hand on me. I spoke this truth to Swanger and he confirmed what I was thinking. God will complete his work in me and I shall overcome.

Ebenezer (Stone of Help)

2005-09-28T14:18:00.000-05:00

In a passing moment you call my name
In a passing moment you ask me to show you
all of my ways
In a passing moment I lift you up
In a passing moment the still night is stirred
you are made whole again

This was written about my encounter with God when I prayed my salvation prayer. I recall this moment as being very emotional and uplifting. Uplifting because that is exactly what it felt like. I had just finished my prayer, repeating Psalm 51, and explained to God that I need a way to know He was listening. It was late at night, so I went outside in my back yard. The air was still and silent. All of the sudden a breeze came and wrapped around me and I felt as though I was twenty feet from the ground. There was a dizzying sensation and all I could do was cry. I knew God was listening.

I remember this moment when I stray or find myself feeling distant from Him. In a passing moment, He came to me and embraced me. I had struggled with my own mind like a tug-of-war before I just finally prayed for him to win the war. I couldn't win it by myself, so He had to take control. Which is more profound than I would like to admit to, but He took over and placed me in His presence.

It's the place I long to be in everyday. A place I strive to be in everyday, but fall short.

This is something I hold on to, so I can be rooted and grounded in Love. My ebenezer.

Remind Me, Again!

2005-09-27T11:14:00.000-05:00

"I want to yield and burn with truths I know". I may have messed this lyric up, but the more I thnk about it, the more it becomes necessary. I have not been in the place in my walk that I want to be(Who knew?!?) I have not been reading, but I've been hungry. I guess not hungry enough to take the time. I had a great time of growth and learning last year that brought new understanding about God's love for me.

The truth is I have forgotten or let it go. (We also have a Sea of Forgetfulness) I find myself wanting to go back read the some of the basic truths Christ layed out for us. I need to grasp what I already "know" to be true.

The fact is I thought I already knew, but didn't have the slightest idea of what it meant to me. Christ loves me? Yes, but he loves everybody! Doesn't He? This was a tough one, but I think I finally got it. Now that I get it, can I let myself off thah hook? Can I stop beating myself up over things I wish I would have done differently? Well, I should, but I haven't got that one, yet. I do know that he is not beating me up and there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus.

I love when my friends come over or when we talk because some of the basic truths come out in conversation and they remind me of how God works. I don't know if a year will suffice, but truths are where I need to start.